You're All Fired, You Tiny Freaks...

It surely cannot have escaped your notice that last night saw the second episode of Junior Apprentice, in which Lord Sugar (worst paedophile nickname ever) tasks a group of under 18s (and one 27 year old) with various 'business' exercises. Last week's involved the wholesale flogging of a cooler full of cheese and saw miniature Michael Gove impersonator Jordan de Courcy fired the hell out of.

Ok, pressing issues first, if that's what Tim thinks 17 year olds look like, he is way off the mark. Right, now that's out of the way, let's get down to business. There were some more clips of the contestants saying "I'm a tosser, I'm a tosser, I'm a tosser/I'm a bitch, I'm a bitch, I'm a bitch" (delete as applicable) repeatedly to a camera with a trendy London backdrop. Here's a funny thing - Rhys, Arjun and Tim are all the same age... and Tim opens the envelope and it's 'BLUFF' written in big letters. It's the television business-based reality show equivalent of an odd one out round. I can only hope that Tim is secretly an undercover journalist.

This week's task - design a piece of camping equipment. Easy, right? Right. So why the fuck did Adam think it would be a good idea to create the FlexnSave? As Zoe pointed out, this product sells itself, which is great... apart from the simple fact that it doesn't. It's a cardboard box with some flimsy chessboards on top of it. Even a tramp who was contemplating as using it for accomodation let alone storage would give it a kick and say "I'm not impressed by the structural integrity of this." Adam meanwhile was obsessed with shoes and shoe storage, like a really boring business episode of Sex and the City (probably, I don't really know what happens in that show, other than stereotyping...).

In the other camp, Tim, doing his best impression of a teacher charged with supervising the contestants, brainstormed some ideas and came up with a sledge. Yeah, not great, but then infinitely less shit than a cardboard box with 'shoe-storage space'. Arjun blagged his way through the pitch and somehow convinced Argos to purchase several thousand units. As a reward they were given a fireworks display, laid on for them especially (yeah, just think about that sentence and work out why fireworks are never ideal as a personal present when you let them off in the middle of fucking Kew Gardens).

The cardboard team were relegated to the greasy spoon where they played backgammon on the FlexnSave and the loser, Adam, was forced to eat the product and his own bodyweight in shoes (this is a lie). Adam inexplicably brought Zoe back into the boardroom (the equivalent of smearing yourself in stolen honey and locking yourself in a room with a swarm of killer bees) along with Hibah and the bitching and backstabbing began. For reasons which I don't fully understand, Hibah ended up 'fired'. Zoe later pointed out that Lord Sugar 'sees himself in' Adam. Let's not dwell on that...