Friday Pictorial the Thirteenth: The Hundredth Post!

Well, we made it! 100 posts.

Here's a video to celebrate. It's been a long, long week and I apologise that in this video I do an even poorer job of hiding the fact that I made it all up on the spot than usual. Hope you forgive me this time. Improv is never quite as easy as you hope.

99 Up... at the 100 Club...

Well, this here's the 99th post on this blog (doesn't time fly, eh? No? Then I'll just sit down...) and fortunately I actually have something to blog about today, having spent a terrific night at Oxford Street's very own 100 Club (nearly right for the 99th blog post...) watching a terrific bill of live comedy. Sadly Tim Key was trapped overseas by Ash-gate, but Ed Byrne was drafted in as a last minute replacement.

Holding court in this legendary, intimate venue was Fergus Craig (of Colin & Fergus and Star Stories fame) recent winner of the Hackney Empire New Act of the Year Award for his stand-up show. "We have a genuinely phenomenal bill for you tonight." He explained. "Seriously, I've said that before and lied. It's genuinely phenomenal." He wasn't wrong.

First up was Jonny Sweet. Having heard him as Jared in the Radio 4 adaptation of Tom Basden's party I was eager to see what his live material was like and as we were treated to snippets from his debut solo show 'Mostly About Arthur' I was given an answer - Outstanding. Mostly About Arthur is, as one might imagine, about Arthur, Sweet's late brother and a renowned blurbist (writer of blurbs). Endeavouring to prove the mass appeal of his tale, he challenged an audience member. "Do you have a brother" Sweet signalled for the man to wait "have you ever heard of someone having a brother? And have you read a blurb/do you know what a blurb is? See, it's a universal story." With the aid of an incredibly effective stage persona, powerpoint and some of his brother's blurbs (including the magnificent, award-winning blurb for 'My Irish Life') he delivered a half hour of electric comedy.

After the first break it was Ed Byrne's turn to test some material for his new show (the odd tidbit recognisable from his appearances on Mock the Week) and the highlights being his attempt to tackle the thorny issue of immigration in Ireland ("Coming over here, taking our jobs. 'Cause that's the job of us Irish, you see, to move into other people's countries") and a tale of meeting the late Paul Winfield in Aspen and finding him not as enthused with his role in Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan as one might imagine. Straight after came Tom Basden, who was one of the major pulls for me to see this line-up. Having been an enormous fan of Basden through his Youtube videos, Cowards and various appearances I'm frankly amazed that it's taken me this long to actually get out and see him live. Needless to say he didn't disappoint and though some of the material was familiar to Basden fans such as myself, it was still terrifically funny. Multi-talented Basden treated us to songs, cartoons and my personal favourite, extracts from his novel, as well as attempting to get the crowd to sing Happy Birthday to his father and failing, poor chap. His stand-up in between was original and witty, particularly with regard to the novel.

After the second and final break it was time for the night's headline act, Adam Buxton, perhaps best known these days for his radio work and Youtube videos. His preparations for this gig had been hampered by the Icelandic volcano trapping him in Spain, during which he "put on about a stone of weight, eating tortillas and drinking cervezas". He did however have a good deal of material all presented from his Macbook. Folders included 'David Cameron's Policies' which was, naturally, empty, at which point Buxton leapt to his feet and pumped his fist. "Satire! Yes!" Buxton's was a truly technological set, making use of slow reveal Youtube comments, videos (of which the redubbing of the pre-Death Star assault speech from Star Wars with Steve Jobs unveiling the iPad was a triumph) and the odd bit of singing and rapping. Perhaps the biggest laughs came from his rehashing of the Grace Jones hit 'Pull Up to the Bumper', in which he did away with the innuendo and revealed the song for what it with hilarious consequences.

It was a truly outstanding lineup and it delivered on everything. A thoroughly good night out.

What's A Guy Gotta Do To Get Some News Around Here...?

Life-affirming, tiny horse news now. Born last Friday, Einstein is believed to be the world's smallest horse. "World's Smallest Horse?" You say. "Bollocks." You say. Here's the proof, backed by some fiddly bluegrass.

Aw, a tiny horse.

Yeah, as you can probably tell, there's still no news. What can you do?

Oh no, wait. There was this news.

Ok, so that's not so much news as an amusing picture I was shown earlier. It was the £100 question. No, not really...

It was the $100 question...

You know when they said 'no news is good news'? Yeah, they were wrong.

No News Today, Have Some Videos...

Right, this is pretty much what it says on the tin, there is literally no news worth blogging about today, so instead have a couple of links.

The World's Gone Mad! #Election

And, most importantly of all:

STOP BORING HUGH LAURIE!

Sorry that this is a bit of a cop out and is mostly just to make sure that I don't miss out a day in this 5-day a week blog. You hear that, news people? You'd better break some bloody interesting news sharpish!

Doctor, Doctor, Gimme the News...

Well, the new series of BBC sci-fi (or syfy if you're one of those guys... arses) staple, Doctor Who is starting to hit its considerable straps and last Saturday's episode promised the return of one of his most terrifying adversaries... that's right, Graham Norton.

Yes, just as Matt Smith's Eleventh Doctor was making a potentially lore-shattering realisation about the creepy as nuts Weeping Angels, a cartoonified Norton ambled onto the screen carrying a banner for the Beeb's latest Lloyd Webber kickback 'Has Anyone Seen My Dorothy?' or whatever it's called. This isn't the first time that Norton has attempted to scupper the Time Lord's galaxy-saving exploits - in 2005 Norton's voice invaded the opening scene of the first episode.


The Whovians were rightly outraged complaining to Twitter and message boards in their droves. "Let's nip this advert crap in the bud now before the Beeb become as low rent as ITV" said one furious fan, "This isn't Monster Trucks followed by Pets Do the Funniest Things, it's drama where the pleasure is in being completely drawn in for 55 minutes" another pointed out. This collective outpouring of fury left Auntie with no choice but to issue an apology about the timing of the trail.

Hopefully next week's concluding part will be unsullied by the Doctor's greatest individual nemesis since the Master. Looks a cracker, mind.

Let me know if Norton somehow makes it onto this blog and ruins today's cliffhanger, won't you?

Friday Pictorial the Twelfth: Rejection...

Right, another Friday, another Pictorial for your delectation. A proper video again this time, not being mostly lazy like last week. This one deals with the heartbreaking topic of rejection. While I hope that this is actually amusing for other people and not just unashamed catharsis for me.

If anyone reading this has rejected me at some point (and let's face it, you probably have) I must point out that any resemblance to to you/your company/director/producer is mostly coincidental.

This one contains a whiff of strong language, but you knew that already, right? Also contains beer.




Keen-eyed viewers among you may spot a hint of 'Bernard's Letter'.

The Sky's the Limit...

Well, tonight's the night for some debating and tonight it's the turn of Sky News. Here's the latest advert below.

The 2010 Election Posters: A Journey Through Photoshop...

Well, seeing as even the volcano ash has buggered off, it's election news time again. Today we'll be examining a key battleground. Fake posters on the internet.

With the age of Photoshop in full swing, every Saatchi + Saatchi or any other PR firm must know that it's inevitable that any poster they create can easily be lampooned or altered by keen 'shoppers. The most famous example of user-created poster media was probably the now infamous 'Step Outside, Posh Boy' poster created by the Guardian for April Fools day.

Simply but effective and actually proved rather popular with the Labour supporters.

When the Conservatives released their first election poster featuring a stern-looking His Shiny-headedness, it was spoofed on everything from Mock the Week to daytime magazine shows.


I picked this one because it was the only one I had saved to my computer. It's a good effort nonetheless, particularly the strapline 'fucking shit up again, and again, and again'. Equally good are:


Their next effort didn't hold up too well against the e-campaigners either...

Again, a poster that lends itself to photoshopping. Many of them took this line, but then there was this superlative effort...

This was seemingly the final straw (coupled with a sound beating in the first leader's debate) and the Tory press released a new no-nonsense poster, carrying the right-wing message that they've tried to hide for so long. They made the crucial error of calling it 'unshoppable', but then look what happened...

A Complete History of my Nemeses...

Well there are only 3 really, but they're all easily recognisable archetypes that I imagine we have all encoutered at some point in our lives. It also seems highly appropriate to talk about misguided arseholes on this the 42nd anniversary of Enoch Powell's 'Rivers of Blood' speech.

Number 1
The Moriarty to my Sherlock Holmes (that isn't just boasting, I have been compared to the legendary sleuth on several separate occasions... and not just because I play the violin and take copious amounts of laudanum, namely because I don't do either of those things...). This is the kind of fiendish Napoleon of crime who is just that little bit better than you in every way and the only way to take them down is to go down with them. Fortunately our paths have not crossed recently, but I'm always wary, for that's when nemeses are at their most dangerous, when you don't know where they are (a bit like wasps... oh God, what if there's a wasp in here right now... or in your room, wherever you are, dear reader...). It's hard to surpress the competitive nature though. A trip to Reichenbach Falls may be in order before all is said and done...

Number 2
This one is the massive tool who is somehow incomprehensibly popular. You never encounter them until you're required to compete against them for some reason, only to find that they don't have to put in any of the work that you do because they have 'connections' or '900,000 Facebook friends'. Bastards... I digress. Anyway, these people always get these positions and lower the general quality of whatever field it happens to be because of it. Bugger. Anyway, more on this on Friday... all will be revealed.

Number 3
Internet people. You know those internet people who are needlessly, personally offensive, when you're just trying to calm everyone down and stop them making the whole community look like a twat? Think anyone who's ever commented on a Youtube video... ever. Well, apart from you, if you're reading this. Anyway, the kind of 15 year olds who seem to think that attempting to belittle people over the internet will make them look big instead of like the twats they inevitably are. As a politically incorrect man once said "arguing on the internet is like competing in the Special Olympics. Even if you win, you're still retarded."

An Inconvenient Truth...

Environmental news now, 'mental' being the operative word. A massive volcanic eruption in Bejam or whatever they call it these days has sent Europe into a fit of pique. Thousands of holidaymakers are currently left stranded in all four corners of the globe (funny how we still use that phrase despite knowing that the Earth is... well, a globe...). People have reacted to this in many different ways, some responsibly, albeit with a degree of melancholia and others, well, others did this (I love how the presenter has to rationalise it).

Claims that the banks were burning down Iceland for insurance money have proved to be false. Instead it would appear the environment has just gone apeshit mental and decided to keep some planes out of the sky for a bit. Fair dos, you might think, but a similar eruption in 1821 lasted on and off for 18 months. Provisional plans in place include flying everyone to Spain, where the airspace remains open and then pulling a Dunkirk and sending the Navy plus all the ships we have to rescue everyone, except for the fact that this isn't a war and the Navy should probably be better served stopping organised sea crime and defending our waters.

It seems to me that a lot of these stranded tourists could learn a lesson from Coach Trip, no, not that everyone should be a massive tool and perpetuate the 'British Abroad' myth, but rather that flying is not the only way to travel. Ok, it may well be time-consuming seeking other methods of transport, but hey, if you've got 18 months then why not? Many seem to complain that the Government isn't doing anything about it, but in their 'perfect world' where we throw caution to the ashy winds and send the planes out to rescue for them, only for the ash to destroy the jet engines of a 747 somewhere over an urban conurbation killing hundreds, if not thousands you can bet that they'll pull a u-turn and claim that we should have erred on the side of caution. There's just no pleasing some people.

Saying that the planes are likely to suffer malfunctions isn't 'scaremongering', not when you cast a disparaging glance at the Daily Mail and notice headlines like "Everyone Wear Masks, You Dicks", "Thousands of Brits to Die From Ash Inhalation" and "Volcanic Eruption - Immigrants to Blame?" That's scaremongering. We need to realise that these two extremes aren't the only options, sure it can't be a case of 'just get on with it and send the planes up anyway' but then neither is it a case of 'stay indoors at all costs or you'll die'. There's middle ground, go outside, enjoy the sunshine and hope the nature calms the hell down in a couple of days.

Friday Pictorial the Eleventh: Politics

Here's my cartoon vision of a dystopian future, in honour of last night's election debate.

Apologies for my meagre drawing/inking skills.

Election Fever...

Yep, that's Election Fever, like Scarlet Fever or Rheumatic Fever, but more, y'know, electiony. I know I promised I wouldn't bang on too much about the election but today history shall be made as ITV actually produce a programme without any ad breaks (who'da thunk it?). Brown, Cameron and Clegg (a line-up that could be easily confused with the latest series of Last of the Summer Wine...) will trade blows on live television in front of phlegmatic Alasdair Stewart in the first of 3 no doubt riveting bouts of policy bashing and general name-calling, while Farage, Griffin and Salmond just have a fight by the bins outside the ITN news building (presumably).

Well, the ad in today's Guardian for the debate features the strong profiles of the three would-be PMs- Brown, determined; Cameron, pouty; Clegg, portrayed by Frank Lampard apparently. So what's going to happen. Well, fully expect a couple of "step outside, poshboy"s and prepare to hear the word 'change' more often than if you were attending a beggar's convention. Will it sway the voters? We just don't know and regardless of what the papers' experts say tomorrow, we'll have to wait until May to find out.



TYSIC Update

Progress with one of the writing projects is coming on leaps and bounds by virtue of this month being Script Frenzy month. There's a lesson here, a little structured motivation can push on projects that you've been procrastinating over for a long time. As for voicing a video game character... well, your guess is as good as mine. Unless next month is 'Voice a Video Game Character Month' then this one could take a larger percentage of the ten years than my other goals. Hope all you TYSICers are doing just swell. Until Next week's update, adieu.

The Monkey and the Plywood Violin...

Monkey News now (yes, nothing else of note has happened). The Capuchin monkey that escaped from the South Lakes Wild Animal Park on 8th April has been recaptured after a cunning police move.

Spotted near Dalton Railway station, the police were quickly alerted and set off in pursuit of the slippery simian. Knowing the game was surely up, McQueen (the name I have now given the monkey) headed for a final showdown with the rozzers in Dalton Cemetery. Circling the tombstones, he patiently waited for the arrival of the police, thinking over his plan of attack. "I might be going down," he probably thought, "but I'm taking these bastards with me." Leaping upon a stone celtic cross, he yelled out "you'll never take our FREEDOM!" (though to the uneducated ear this could well have sounded like simple monkey gibberish) and baited the now furious coppers.

As the police closed in on McQueen's position, he made a terrifying realisation about death and the afterlife. Wracked with existentialist doubt, he made a break for the church to repent heartily, where the old bill finally slapped a net on him and returned him to his owner. "How do you feel in a word, Mr. South Lakes?" Asked a journalist. South Lakes paused for thought "In a word? Relieved... in three words, pretty fucking relieved."

Thanks to McQueen's brave actions, he is now a fully paid member of staff at South Lakes Wild Animal Park, where he operates the till in the gift shop on Sundays.

McQueen, I salute you... alright, so his name's Tony (after Livesey the Great) but it doesn't work as well within the narrative.

Help...

Well, blog topics are a little hard to come by when every news story is 'it's the election', 'four legs good, two legs bad' and 'all politician's wives are equal, but some are more equal than others'. This leaves me trying anything and everything to ignore the news, from finding every Conservative board in my constituency and adding the word 'no' in front of the word 'change' to torturing my local record shop owner by picking albums that are impossible to find the discs for thanks to the highly creative and wonderfully impractical numbering system of different record labels.

So what else is there for us in the news, if not electionbabble. Well, for starters professional Atheists and party-poopers Richard Dawkins and Christopher Hitchens want to arrest the Pope when he sets foot on British soil (I direct you to a point I made about the Midnight Mass lunge-woman perhaps not being as 'escaped mental-patient'y as people first painted her), science is now cool, unfotunate age-old scapegoats the Jews have been fingered by a bishop as the cause of the Catholic church's problems (hmm, where have I heard accusing the blameless Jews before... never mind, what could possibly go wrong...?), conspiracy theories abound with regard to the Polish president air crash (I have my own involving a Prince and the Pauper style swap between the two brothers) and British scientist James Lovelock has claimed that humans are 'too stupid' to prevent climate change.

Well, doesn't all that warm the cockles of your heart. Happy Spring, everyone.

Fantasia on a Theme by Tookey: A Review of a Review...

Well, lots of you will have noticed that there's been a bit of the old controversy about a little comic book movie called Kick-Ass. Most of this 'controversy' has come from this single review from Christopher Tookey in the Daily Mail, entitled 'Don't be fooled by the hype: This crime against cinema is twisted, cynical, and revels in the abuse of childhood'. I know, snappy review headline or what? In his worryingly misjudged rant, Tookey accuses the film of being evil, accuses Hit Girl (a hero whose costume is so complete that only her chin is on show) of being 'sexually aggressive' and criticises the quality of the script penned by Matthew Vaughn and Jane Goldman whose last collaboration, Stardust, proved a charming and frequently very funny fantasy tale.

Well, these are Tookey's three crucial mistakes. Any review that commences with 'verdict: evil' you just know will prove to be gold and while I expect nothing less than this from the Mail, I hope that it is just that which has led Tookey to pen this review, towing the editorial line. He frequently accuses Hit Girl, easily the most charismatic character in the film, of being sexualised, sexually aggressive and various other shallow, ill-thought out indictments that frankly I won't waste time repeating. Firstly, to suggest that the film does anything to sexualise an 11 year old character played by a 13 year old actress is a grievous insult to the film-makers and to Mark Millar (one of the finest comic book writers in history in my opinion) and his creation. Secondly, to use the phrase 'paedophiles are going to adore her' should instantly disqualify you from holding a valid opinion on anything... ever. Thirdly, the number of times that Tookey mentions this point makes me wonder two things. Either Tookey found Hit Girl just a little bit attractive and ran up a quick piece laced with self-denial and self-flagellation or he could only think of one half decent argument to carry an entire page-long review. Either way, it doesn't speak volumes for the man.

The bit that has really pulled the rug out from under Tookey's argument is his knocking of the script, claiming that it 'slavishly conforms to the cliched norms of Hollywood'. The script is sharp, clever and, more importantly, genuinely funny. Goldman and Vaughn have carried over the skill with which they created the fantasy world of 'Stardust' to the adaptation of Millar's genius for the big screen and for Tookey to suggest that there was anything wrong with the script leaves me baffled. I can only assumed he fell asleep shortly after the opening credits and only woke up when the usher gave him a stiff prod around 2 hours later.

Tookey seems to be pandering to the kinds of people who were so offended by the notion of Hit Girl saying "Ok, you cunts, let's see what you can do now" that they forgot that she goes on to kill a busload of hired goons over the next hour and a half. It reminds me of another bit of 'controversy', this time over upcoming Western Action/Adventure game Red Dead Redemption, in which the player has the option of hunting animals and selling the pelts. 'Sure, fur trapping was and lucrative form of trade in the Americas up until the early 20th century' I hear you say 'What's the problem?' Well, the problem is that a few animal rights campaigners find this apalling and have called for bans and boycotts and anything else to go with it. I'm all for animal rights, but when people find hunting 30 different types of animal more morally reprehensible than the ability to wipe out the entire population of the American West and Mexican border, you know that someone isn't paying attention to the bigger picture.

Tookey is sorely mistaken. Kick-Ass is a terrific film and an instant comic book movie classic. The script is lively and witty, Millar's characters brought to life wonderfully and the performances are excellent all-round (a special mention should go to Nicholas Cage's Big Daddy, who when in his guise as the caped hero speaks with a true Adam West stacatto and whose idea of a disguise is extending his normal moustache into a handlebar moustache) and the comic book violence, is exactly that, comic book. Sure, it depicts knife crime, a contentious issue, but the BBFC, in their infinite wisdom have elected to give the film a 15 as they understand that Kick-Ass is a fantasy piece, knockabout fun that you'd have to be a fool to confuse with an evil propangandist moral of 'costume + killing + sexy 11 year olds = something the audience should obviously repeat in real life'.

Kick-Ass is accurately reviewed by its title and has merited the deluge of 5 star reviews that it has received and (thankfully) Tookey is very much in a bewildered minority when it comes to his opinion. A triumph for Vaughn, Goldman and Millar in a world suffering from the censure of the big studios.

Friday Pictorial the Tenth: Relationships

Here we are, a decade of Friday Pictorials (well ten). This one is the first to feature a guest writer (so you can direct all your complaints about misogyny to her) who handily supplied a script which I went on to forget during filming, so I guess it was a collaborative effort. So, what can you expect from FriPic X? Well, relationship expert Dana Liebowitz will help you find love (if you're a man). No other male understands the female psyche in quite the way that Liebowitz does and after two bestselling (in their category) manuals and a whole host of lawsuits, the brash American is dispensing advice for free over the interweb.



The lovely lady who wrote the 10 steps for this pictorial also has a blog which you should all read and today features a sister post to this one, with her very own 10 steps to dating success for women.

Yes, I'm aware that I have large hands... possibly Kermode large.

TYSIC Update...

This is quick one, because I've spent the whole day travelling and... well, Daddy's tired, followers, he'll play with you tomorrow instead.

Right, I actually remembered to do one of these today, so make the most of it. Progress on the goals is slow, however that won't stop me from adding two brand new points right here, right now. I'm giving myself 10 years to teach myself drums and jazz piano. I've managed to teach myself guitar to a pretty decent level and keyboards to a adequate level of competancy, so I have faith in my ability for it. So that's another point to whack onto the list, despite the fact I'm yet to complete any of my existing goals. What could possibly go wrong? Well, I guess we'll find out in 10 years time.

Things I Learnt While I Was Away

• Banana Choc Chip flavour = Epic Ice Cream Flavour-based Win
• The Day Today would have been bang on the money if they'd replaced the "It's War!" scene with the "It's an Election!" scene
• Alan Hansen and Mark Lawrenson leave Match of the Day before the end, that's why there's not analysis on the final two fixtures that are lumped together, they're in the taxis back to Liverpool. So says my Uncle...

Today's blog was brought to you by the number 0, which coincidentally is the number of times professional Ornithologists have described the Bald Eagle as a "Fuck-off huge skinhead of a bird" to me.

Blogfail...

I will be dragged away from the wiles of the internet later today, so this is a blog to explain that there won't be a blog today. Some would call this irrelevant, I call it not wanting to leave a gap in the week's worth of posts. On the plus side, it means I don't have to produce amusing thoughts with my brain, however it does also mean that Guttenplan will escape justice for yet another day... grr...

Bring Me the Head of Alex Guttenplan...

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Attack of the 50 Foot Politics...

Ok, how are we all? Did we have a nice Easter? I'm sorry, you'll have to speak up, I can't hear you over the sound of the internet. I know I keep banging on about politics, but it is an election year. I saw this in the paper the other day. Pretty good (not as good as my Cable one...) but it got me thinking, actually I wouldn't mind going back to the 80s... because there was good music and clothes, I mean, I could do without the whole crippling the manufacturing infrastructure, removal of influence from the unions and unnecessary wars with Argentina... Alright, so I'm basically advocating the return of Soft Rock and New Wave, plus Acid Wash denim and Audi Quattros... yeah actuallly bring those things back and don't let Cameron have a go at doing his finest Thatcher impression.

Are you all shouting 'boo! Communist!' at your screens now? Guido Fawkes, I ain't, but then neither is he really. I can't be sure, but I'm fairly certain that if the most audacious conspirator of the Stuarts reign did have a blog, it probably wouldn't have a strong pro-Conservative bias. His blog would, I imagine, say more things like. "Gone to buy some more gunpowder, got ID'd... again. I'm going to kill you all! Guy xxx"

I'm a Liberal by trade and we enjoy the moral high ground of having the right ideas but no electoral clout whatsoever, so by going to the polling station and slapping an x next the orange bird, I might as well just pocket the ballot and trot off home where I could fold it to make an origami swan or something of the like, before using it to mop up some spilt whisky and then setting it alight. Clegg is a perfectly inoffensive leader but unless you already tow the line you probably won't vote Lib Dem, Gordon's having a mare of a time steadying the ship (he should take a leaf out of the Pope's book and just keep shtum about everything) and Cameron, backed by Ashcroft's ill-gotten gains is storming towards a position where every option on the ballot paper is for the pissing green elephant, at which point I'll just have to hope the ballot paper somehow spontaneously combusts and kills me.

You see, being a Liberal is very much like being the police profiler behind the two-way mirror, while a DI and a criminal bash it out (possibly over non-dom tax status...) on the other side. You're shouting vital hints and evidence to prove innocence or guilt but they can't hear you because some bastard's locked the door to the mirror room and we've been stuck in here raging impotently since the 1920s. We have one or two mega geniuses (that means you, Cable) but otherwise we just can't buy a vote (unlike the other major parties... I'm saying nothing...). Frustrating is what it is.

Anyhow that's my 2p about politics. Sorry this keeps being the theme. If you want, you could try telling the news people to break some interesting, funny news stories for a change. Well, I know you didn't come here to listen to me f and blind about political shortfalls and anti-Thatcherism, but you did anyway. So thanks. Have a lovely bunny for your troubles.


Over Easter Samuel Watched Final Destination 3... again - it's still utter bollocks in an amusing way- and A Complete History of My Sexual Failures - Man living in Mike Leigh film makes home video about how shit life is, why is this a film? I also listened to Any Questions in which Nigel Farage (see older blog posts for details...) advocated legalising drugs and fascism. Stop him... somebody stop him...

Friday Pictorial the Ninth: Jazz Poetry

Right, it's bank holiday weekend time! And I'm off for Easter, so this is being posted now. As always, tell your friends.




Enjoy a blend of Tom Waits and Tim Key and have an excellent Easter, folks (notice how I resisted the urge to make a pun there...).

Fool Me Once Shame On You, Fool Me Twice... We... We Don't Get Fooled Again...

Well there have been some lovely April Fools jokes today, haven't there. First there was 23 prominent businessmen agreeing with the Tories National Insurance alterations and then there was the rise in Fuel Duty and of course The Libertines reforming. Yes, there's been some marvellous japes... wait, what?! Oh for fuck's sake... Seriously?! Right, never mind.

I'm sure you've all seen Olaf Priol's contribution to the festivities in the Guardian, but what he didn't show you was the Lib Dems' effort following on from the Chancellors Debate earlier this week.


(It's quite a nerdy joke, but well done if you get it, children can be so cruel...)