Eurovision...

This is a very, very brief one to discuss the imminent arrival (as Ken Bruce keeps reminding me) of the Eurovision Song Contest. Last year us Twitter folk had a jolly excellent time ribbing the contestants and getting drunk, I can only hope the same will happen this year.

I can't say I'm a font of all knowledge for Eurovision, but handily this article from the Guardian gives you the 'Ones to Watch' (not necessarily because they're good). My favourite bit from it concerns Belgian entry 'Me and My Guitar'

'Me And My Guitar is so relentlessly insipid that it would probably struggle to soundtrack a John Lewis advert. Tom Dice's acoustic wimpery doesn't stand a hope of winning Eurovision, but all's not lost - if he enters the Song Played Over The Final Scene Of An Episode Of Scrubs Contest, he'll probably walk it.'

I quite like that one really (compared to the other Eurovision songs, that is) but then for me the fun of Eurovision is just taking the piss out of it really. You don't want the acts to be any good. You want the Russian woman with a green screen that ages her as much as you've aged over the course of the dirge, or a Latvian woman crossing a bridge of midgets while extolling the virtues of the Balkan oil reserves. That's why Wogan was so brilliant at voicing the whole affair, because he said what you were thinking, namely "what the fuck is this?!" Norton put up a decent effort last year, to be fair, slipping in the odd wry remark, but the only way to watch, in my view, is beverage in hand with thousands of fellow tweeps hurling abuse at the equally drunk presenters and the poor fellows foolish enough to carry the weight of national expectation with song titles like 'What For? (Only Mr. God Knows Why)', probably a phrase that could be applied to the contest itself.