You've Got A Friend...

So, I was leafing through the Guardian (mostly the G2 and Sport) as usual this morning searching for something to blog about (yup, it's one of those days again) and happened across this article by the excellent Tim Dowling about renting a friend. As one might imagine, being a unsuccessful comedian and blogger doesn't pay particularly well, so the idea of renting myself out for companionship without having to perform sexual favours for a client is a rather appealing one.

Here are some of my qualities:

• Good sense of humour - Particularly with regard to my own jokes.
• Not so good-looking that I'll show you up, but also not so ugly that you'll be ashamed to be seen with me - Sort of fair to middlin'.
• Vast and eclectic musical tastes - Can discuss comfortably all periods of music from Early, Baroque Classical and Romantic, to Rock, Blues, Jazz, Soul, New Wave and Indie. NO HIP HOP. (Can't stress that last one enough)
• Experienced actor - So it'll seem like I'm enjoying your company, even if I'm really not.
• Bad at the whole 'eating out' spiel - Coffee or pub is fine though. Don't bother with a fancy restaurant or something like that... it'll be embarrassing for all involved.
  
• Accomplished guitar and piano skills - (While no extra fee is demanded for serenading, a donation is appreciated...)
• Owner of no less than 4 pairs of shoes - Basically equipped for any situation.
  
• Decidedly average at most sports - If that's your cup of tea.
  
• Knowledgeable about many periods of history - Useful for broadening your horizons or simply engaging in a heated debate (preferably shouted in a public area).
• Once gave a presentation (in German) about the proposed accession of Turkey to the EU.
  

So, if all that floats your boat, a very reasonable, sliding payscale according to your social status is offered. If you're interested (and, hey, why wouldn't you be... don't answer that), then contact me here.