Hayward Ho...

Well, happy axe news emerged this week with the revelation that head of BP and walking PR Mr. Magoo Tony Hayward would be leaving his post. Sadly this also means that he'll be able to collect a no doubt sizeable pension for mainly fucking up a large section of the Louisiana coast.

This is the man who, fresh in the wake of the disaster, said "nobody wants this to be over more than me. I want my life back". Really, Tony? You know who else want their lives back? The residents of the Gulf of Mexico... oh and all the pelicans and ducks that you covered in your godawful, crude slop, but something tells me that they can't all go to a yacht race and then receive a bung to leave a job that they frankly should have been fired from to 'get their lives back'.

Here are a few of the candidates for the top job at BP-

Mssrs. P & B Chuckle

Mssrs. S Laurel & O Hardy

Mr. B Keaton

All of whom are vastly experienced at royally cocking up almost everything they do and would be very much a like-for-like replacement for the outgoing Hayward. But of course, it's not all male candidates. Similarly qualified are:

Ms. K Woodburn

Ms. A McKenzie

Who are eminently experienced in cleaning up other people's fucking mess. Ooh burn.




And Finally....
The Answer to the puzzler in last week's 'Still Got the News...' was that they were all true. A bit of a trick question you might say, but then the media is pretty much beyond parody these days and enough of the papers already make up their stories *cough, cough* Daily Star *cough* without me adding to the mire of nonsense.