Get Your Hands Off Of Me, You Damned Dirty Ape...

This'll just be a Lloyd Woolf-style quickie today, for reasons which will become apparent.

Right, well today is a little thing I like to call a slow news day, but fortunately from the depths of my beloved Guardian website, I managed to haul this little gem. A story which very much speaks for itself. Well, it's less of a story and more just a wishlist generated from the brain of Noel Edmonds or perhaps a typed up mind-map from an 'ideation' meeting.

Essentially Edmonds wants to create a quiz show, nothing new there then. But wait, here's the twist, it'll be hosted by a monkey (life in no way imitating I'm Alan Partridge). Worse than the idea of a quiz show being hosted by a simian, it'll also be hosted by a monkey (see what I did there... I implied Edmonds was a mon- oh never mind). Seriously though, Edmonds wants to call it Beat the Monkey (quick, someone phone the RSPCA and then stop thousands of teens from performing onanism on the suggestion of a quiz show title) and it will feature a monkey picking questions at random.

As the article says, it's one of 5 new ideas being touted to broadcasters by Edmonds' latest TV company venture, Feel Good Television (isn't it just the kind of name that makes you want to hurl things at your screen... or possibly Edmonds). I'm no TV exec, but it seems to me that these 5 ideas were pitched to broadcasters in exactly this manner.

Charles Garland, manager of Feel Good Television, had this to say: "We want to create a new model rights creation business developing Noel's ideas. That is where the real value is." Yup, definitely. Noel's ideas- monkeys hosting quiz shows, a rip off of The Price is Right based on exotic supermarket goods- that's where the money is. Oh God. I know he was able to lure thousands of gibbering buffoons into a Bristol cellar to watch other buffoons opening boxes and Noel himself conversing with his conscience by means of a big red phone, but not even a man of Noel's towering genius could make a show where the questions are selected by a monkey work. Alright, the monkey probably will be more intelligent than a good number of the contestants, but this is a non-starter - they couldn't make Monkey Greyhound Racing work in the 1930s and they can't make Beat the Monkey work now.


Redundant Internet Question of the Day
Courtesy of Ultimate-Guitar.Com

And I quote "Any1 got hot teachers, i got at least 3 with asses to die for" ? from a Mr. Manualx of no fixed abode.

The first few answers were the customary internet "Pics or it didn't happen."

But the best answer of the day was from webbtje:

One of our PhD students, who teaches, is a trans-sexual. Does that count?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Manualx Any1 got hot teachers, i got at least 3 with asses to die for

"...and instead of a mouth, it's got four arses!"

There's a prize if you know where the quote comes from and what it refers to.