Counting Down, Rain and Rawnsley... and Curling...

Quick warning: The links in today's blog contain very strong language, if that's likely to offend you... well, you probably should have stopped reading my blog some time ago.

It's very much one of those days. You know the ones, the ones where it's exceptionally dull and rainy and we offer our deepest condolences to those in the construction industry or other areas of work that involve prolonged periods battling the elements. So what can we do to amuse ourselves on days such as these? Well, some people (myself included sometimes) like to watch a cracking little device known as a television or 'TV' for short. One such piece of the endlessness that exists on this 'TV' is a daytime words and numbers-based quiz known as 'Countdown'. I know what you're thinking, 'Countdown' has been in existence for nearly 30 years, what's so special about today's emission? Well, it was won by Burnley Central Defender Clarke Carlisle, that's what.

Premier League footballer Carlisle smashed his opponent (not a premiership footballer) 89-55 and will go on to defend his crown tomorrow with the possibility of becoming an 'octochamp'. Occasionally these magical moments do happen on 'Countdown'. One that sticks in the memory was the occasion when an 8 year old boy earned a wordy and number-filled victory and became the youngest ever winner. Hooray for the 8 year old, brilliant words and numbers from the 8 year old! What people forgot is that the poor 30-something over which he triumphed, probably never showed his face in public/ever left the house again/killed himself. The Guardian website rather wonderfully (and in true football style) ran a live text facility for the defender's appearance on the show, which can be found here.

It's interesting to note the increasing influence of football over Countdown. Host Jeff Stelling is famous for being the face of Soccer Saturday on Sky Sports, in which he and a panel of ex-pros (Charlie Nicholas, Paul Merson, Matther LeTissier etc.) watch football matches (we don't get to see the action, just the reactions of the pros. I know it sounds bizarre, but it works better than one would imagine). Two series ago, Notts County midfielder Neil Mackenzie had a storming run to the quarter finals (performing better than his team then... zing) only to lose out to the eventual winner. I remember a lower league goalkeeper also winning a few Countdown matchups but his name escapes me. On the very slim chance that he's reading this, leave a comment if that's you.

Anyway, I've become sidetracked, I only came here to talk partially about Countdown, the other thing that I feel I should mention is the current Bullygate scandal that seems to be gripping. Already it's driven telephone operators to be suspended, Andrew Rawnsley to appear far more than he should do and Paxman to say 'fucking' on Newsnight.

Essentially we've learnt that Gordon Brown is apparently bad tempered, as opposed to all of the other lovely, good-natured, non-thieving politicians, I suppose? This blog is light-hearted fun and I try and avoid getting too political, but to be a politician (at least to be a good one) you do have to be a bit of a bastard. In the same way that you wouldn't want a Lieutenant Colonel going "would you mind awfully taking that stronghold? If it's too much, that's ok, I'll try and find some others to help" you wouldn't want a party leader who's gearing up for election season not getting a bit serious/sweary/angry. Brown is merely the latest in a long line of furious PMs- Palmerston, Churchill and Callaghan have all been responsible for gross lapses in manners and control. Apparently some civil servants phoned the Anti Bullying Helpline (who are now finding themselves up Shit Creek without a boat, let alone a paddle) and complained. Boo hoo, you're in politics, it's a tough field. Had these people never watched The Thick of It? If they can't handle Brown trying to get things done, then they would surely have had to undergo electro-shock therapy to erase the memory of 'Tucker's Law'.

Paxman swearing was terrific television and though he was forced to make an unconvincing apology by the producers, I suspect that he rather enjoyed it. In fact I'd like to see it more often. Paxman is already one of the least compromising, most feared political interviewers in the country, but surely this would give him the edge to get past the fabrications and manoeuvring of the slipperier politicians. "Did you threaten to overrule... did you FUCKING threaten to FUCKING overrule!" for example. Perhaps even slip some profanity into University Challenge. His dressing down of the students who give preposterously wrong answers would be made all the sweeter by Paxo calling them a 'massive twat' or somesuch other insult.

I don't know if the beeb received any complaints but it wasn't really Paxman swearing, it was Rawnsley swearing with Paxo as his proxy. There was a time when Rawnsley (a Spitting Image puppet of Robert Bathurst inflated to actual size to look more like Warren Clarke) was more bearable. He presented a rather insightful Channel 4 politics show with the late Vincent Hanna and used to write straight-talking columns for the Guardian, but he appears to have gone on a power trip with the release of his book. Of course no-one can actually confirm these allegations with hard evidence, all we have is a Helpline breaking their policy of confidentiality as is wonderfully summarised by Steve Bell's latest cartoon. Because of this lack of evidence, Taiwan's Apple Daily (who brought us a marvellous recreation of Elin Nordegrin chasing Tiger with golf clubs and smashing his car) have take it upon themselves to produce a CGI film of what it might have looked like if Brown had turned into Bullock from Deadwood and punched his way to answers. In the video a CGI David Morrissey reprises his role as Brown and performs a hilarious sequence of anger management fails from the Park Chan Wook directed version of The Deal. Every time Apple Daily does one of these it looks like some preposterous Time Trumpet-style spoof but long may it continue, the news has reached the point of satirising itself and may well save me some work.


Winter Olympics Update

Well Eve Muirhead's hopes of a medal were well and truly extinguished yesterday as the GB women took Canada to an extra end after a gutsy performance, but couldn't quite snatch a victory. It wouldn't have earned them a play-off place but there was still the matter of pride. Muirhead was again let down by her draws which had troubled her all tournament. In the post-match interview, Muirhead remained defiant and even jovial. A 19 year old with a bright future ahead, no doubt.

David 'the Iceman' Murdoch's chance of a medal remains alive, despite a 9-5 defeat to colourful-trousered Norway. The GB men's team will face Sweden (against whom they opened their account in the Round Robin matches) in a play-off, with the winner facing the mighty Canadians. If Murdoch's boys can progress against Nicklas Edin's Swedes, they will have high hopes of toppling the Canucks, despite losing to them in the earlier rounds. Murdoch has an excellent record against his Canadian counterpart and with Lead Euan Byers on top form at the moment, there's no reason why the men can't pick up a medal. A comedy moment from last night's match occurred when British Second, Pete Smith sent down one of Norway's yellow stones, instead of his own red. Thankfully the Norwegians were sporting enough to allow a straight shot. Listen out for more classic, clueless Cram commentary.