The Cult of the Hollywood Remake

Well, it was bound to happen eventually. Every cultural reviewer has a pop at remakes at some point and with good reason, they are exclusively unnecessary and almost exclusively terrible. However this year will see the production and release of numerous gratuitous reofferings including 'Clash of the Titans', 'Nightmare on Elm Street', 'Let Me In' (an almost certainly massively inferior Hollywood-isation of brilliant Swedish vampire movie, Let the Right One In) and perhaps most bizarrely of all 'The A-Team'. So another slew of superfluous remakes lie ahead of us this year and cinema continues it's course towards the end of western civilisation.

Those of you who follow me on Twitter will know that yesterday I spent a happy 117 minutes watching 80s cult classic Highlander on Blu-ray. Ah, crisp visuals, sweeping cinematography, sword fights, soundtrack by Queen and appearance from Sean Connery, what more could you want from a movie? Exactly, so why the fuck is this happening. It was curious enough that a film with the tagline 'there can be only one' spawned 3 sequels and a TV series, let alone a sodding remake of the original. When I read the (thankfully unsourced) reports that Vinnie Jones was to play the part of The Kurgan... well, this happened. I mean isn't he locked in some house somewhere with some other non-entities at the moment? I'm told that he's in there with a melted-face woman, a Baldwin who isn't Alec (or Mike for that matter) and that Swedish man who had his bottom smacked by David Walliams. I don't know why they can't just lock them all in there (releasing them back into the wild via eviction is more of a punishment for us, surely?) or better yet have the walls slowly move in like the trash compactor in Star Wars.

The original Highlander is hardly going to trouble Citizen Kane on the list of greatest ever films, but nonetheless it's a thoroughly enjoying fantasy romp with brilliant scope and direction from Russell Mulcahy, who had previously been famous for his pop promos, including Duran Duran's first 4 albums. Some of the scene cuts are revolutionary (one thinks of the transition from MacLeod's aquarium to a medieval Scottish Loch) and have been copied unrelentingly since. The acting has certainly come under criticism, but it is all part of the charm. Clancy Brown chews up (and frequently destroys) the scenery marvellously as malevolent immortal The Kurgan and Sean Connery, although only appearing for a few scenes, oozes class, wit and screen presence. In fact so good an actor is Connery, that you believe that he (as spanish/egyptian swordsman, Juan Sanchez Villa-Lobos Ramirez) doesn't know what Haggis is... oh Sean, you surely kid. Christopher Lambert is a strong presence as protagonist Connor MacLeod, though the consequences of asking a French actor who had just barely learnt to speak English to do a Scottish accent can be seen in the flashback segments.

The film is much more than hack 'n' slash fantasy nonsense. It deals with the more complex issues of immortality and more than an action hero MacLeod is primarliy a romantic hero, embittered by the loss of his beloved Heather (one of the most emotional scenes of the 80s, backed by the magnificent soaring vocals of Freddie Mercury singing Who Wants To Live Forever). He doesn't know what exactly The Prize is and does not fight for personal gain, instead he fights to keep himself alive (yeah, these Queen references will keep on coming) and stop The Kurgan from attaining power beyond imagination. When McLeod finally does claim The Prize, it acts as poetic redemption for him giving him mortality, family and everything that he had sought so vehemently throughout the film.

It handles a range of different periods expertly. Medieval Scotland is wonderfully recreated, the 18th century duel on Boston Common is a hilarious sequence and the fleeting World War II scene is a nice touch too. There's a lot of talent on show too with perfomances from a young Celia Imrie as Connor's very first love interest and Hugh Quarshie and fellow immortal and Connor's best friend Kastagir. It's also endlessly quotable (my favourite line being from MacLeod, after an SS officer has said that Connor 'would have to shoot him first' to get out. MacLeod gives a wistful smile, utters 'whatever you say, Jack. You're the master race' and guns him down - so good) and has been frequently parodied in pop culture, in everything from a teen-actress themed version on Robot Chicken to Will Ferrell's Ricky Bobby claiming that it won the Academy Award for 'Best Movie Ever' in NASCAR film Talladega Nights.

There are numerous set-pieces- the grim highland clan battle at the beginning of the film, the climactic showdown at Silvercup Studios and the explosion of the windows to reveal the New York skyline after Macleod proclaims 'there can be only one'- all of which would be ruined with modern charmless CGI and for sheer scope it was unparallelled at the time. Mulcahy was a truly unique director with a distinct style and eye for a breathtaking vista. Something that I suspect the director of the Fast and the Furious will not be able to replicate in a remake. Also, Lambert is MacLeod and Connery is Ramirez, there's no point in messing with the winning formual. As the saying goes 'if it ain't broke (and the original Highlander is most certainly in one piece) don't fix it'.

Of course, this blog is unlikely to stop the relentless march of the Hollywood cash registers but it really is sacreligious to remake films like this. That said, if remaking films stops them from producing tat like Bride Wars, there may be something to be said for it, however it's probably not long to go until all creativity and talent is sucked out of the industry and we're awash in a sea of terrible sequels and remakes (Citizen Kane II: Revenge of the Sledge anyone? How about Ben Hur II: This Time It's Personal, Spartacus II: I'm Not Spartacus, The Good, The Bad, The Ugly and Seth Rogen?). I'm highly unlikely to watch the Highlander remake unless I'm subjected to the Ludovico technique a la Alex in A Clockwork Orange, so this may seem unnecessary, but for God's sake Hollywood, let's try and maintain at least some dignity.