Endorsements

"It was the most offended I've ever been by a Killer Whale story." Mrs. Trellis of North Wales

"I liked the video bit, that was quite good." J. Stephenson of Tucson, Arizona.

"Nope, never heard of it." Business Secretary, Vince Cable MP


Thursday, 28 January 2010

Edifying Evenings and the Great War...

Right, yesterday in a bid to better myself I attended a talk. Now, I could have stayed in, I could have watched Holby City or some other Wednesday evening nonsense, but instead I went to see Professor Richard Holmes give a talk entitled 'Tommy', loosely based on his acclaimed book of the same name (as opposed to the rock opera by The Who).

Holmes is a hugely respected military historian and many of you will have perhaps seen his programmes on TV (if not look at UKTV History, one of them's bound to be on) and will be aware of his astonishing factual knowledge, but as well as this there's a humility to his tales. He does not feel compelled to rely on the cheap shocks and gory theatrics that many modern historians pepper their programmes with. One of his most enduring series 'War Walks' is available here on Youtube and as one might imagine features a lot of walking, but even then it's simple walking towards the camera (with the cameraman backpeddling furiously) there's very little incessant hand waving, like your Schamas and your Starkeys, instead he offers a few pointed directions, stopping only to converse in French with a munitions expert and then casually carry on the narrative.

Holmes as a speaker is very much the same as Holmes the author- scholarly, equal parts lugubrious and droll, but most of all passionate about history. He spends much of each year in Flanders fields, examing the pockmarked remnants of the Western front and has an extensive, perhaps intimate, knowledge of what I would venture to be his favourite topic, the Great War and it was the objective of his talk (as it was his book) to challenge the popular conceptions about this oft-considered dark chapter in British military history.

He begins with a criticism of most Brits approach to the Great War- poetry. I should make clear that he has nothing but the utmost respect and admiration of these great poets- Owen, Sasoon, Gurney- but he simply feels that impression that one gleans from their work is not an accurate portrayal of the average British Tommy. Over the course of an hour he explains the changing face of the procedure of everyday life over those 4 years of war with a good deal of charm- from the stand-to before first light, to sneaking some food and a 1/16th of a pint of rum at night. 'Breakfast' he explained 'consisted of military order biscuit, bacon and a few drops of tea. The food was carried in hessian sacks, now, hessian has a sort of creosote-y flavour, a little unfortunate. The tea will taste a little of petrol as the petrol cans doubled as water containers. So your tea was a bit petrol-y and your bacon tasted of hessian, but you were generally in good spirits.' He explained that when the men were in reserve the padres would organise a film for them to watch though 'generally a Tommy was more interested in alcohol and women. The padres helped with the former and some of them- God bless them- with the latter.' As one can see, Holmes has a good deal of dry wit in his delivery but in lecturer mode it is appropriately always tempered with a sense of sobriety, seriousness, menace perhaps.

Though his talk is amusing, the underlying sense of melancholy is just as strong, particularly when he is discussing the first-hand accounts and the men joining Kitchener's moustachioed recruitment drive. 'The idea of the British Army is a fallacy.' He explained. 'In real terms, it was a group of tribes working in more or less voluntary collaboration with each other.' (Holmes would know, he achieved the rank of Brigadier in a celebrated military career). He went on to explain how the idea of the battalion was far stronger than that of a 'British Army' and of how these tribes were plucked from already existing groups. The Accrington Pals were raised from the Lancashire town and surrounding villages by its mayor, Glasgow produced 3 brigades: one from the city centre, one from the staff of the tramways (whose CO was the General Manager) and 'one' Holmes announced 'from the shopkeepers of the city, called- and it almost makes me cry- the Glasgow Commercials'.

He explained how the revisionist 'lions led by donkeys' opinion of the 60s did a great injustice to the British officers, more of whom gave their lives in this war than any other. Almost half of the officers by 1918 were raised from the ranks, breaking down the class barriers, however when it came to the end of the war they were left jobless and the social upheaval that they had spurred on in those 4 years had fizzled out. During the Q&A session, Holmes fielded a question on the subject of Haig being the 'Butcher of the Somme'. He sprang to the defence of the much-maligned Field Marshal claiming that, faced with such a green group of soldiers in Kitchener's Army and a lack of decisive methods of breaking the trench stalemates, Haig had to toughen up the country to the horrors of war and that if he had failed to do so, there would have been no victory in 1918. As he closed, he gave a powerful but much underused argument of the war, that Britain did a bloody good job, ordinary Tommies and Officers alike, in almost impossible conditions.

Naturally it's impossible to anatomise the experiences over 4 years of the average British soldier in an hour long lecture, but Holmes gives it a bloody good go and one can't help but be sucked in by his charisma as a speaker. He's intensely knowledgable, witty and, in conversation, a very warm character with a true love of his subject. He spoke for an hour in great detail without so much as one piece of notepaper to aid him and fielded a number of insightful questions with remarkable ease. His final statement was a resounding one and I wholeheartedly agree. While there were terrible losses, we should take great pride in what our brave Tommies, their commanding officers and the soldiers of the Commonwealth achieved against the formidable German army in those 4 long years and though our last remnants of the war passed away with Harry Patch last year, we should never do them the injustice of looking upon it as the darkest hour of 20th century Britain, instead we should venerate those young men with us no more and remember it as the hour in which Britain won a remarkable, hard-fought victory.

Wednesday, 27 January 2010

Lies, Damned Lies and Statistics... and Why I'm Not Here Next Week...

This is just a quickie (sometimes I have to do real life things too) to have a brief rant and explain why you might have to wait a while for another Friday Pictorial.

Many of you will know that James Cameron's Pocahon... Avatar has become the highest grossing film in movie history, not because more people have seen it than any other film, but rather because most cinemas see fit to charge extra for 3D films, meaning that you pay extra for a pair of tacky glasses and a 3 hour headache. Also meaning that it was a shoe-in to smash the box-offices records. Clever. Does this really count? Really? On the other hand I did read a cracking review of it on the Guardian website.

In today's other statistics news, Clint Eastwood was named America's favourite filmstar and why not, he's terrific. I've spent many a happy hour watching the Dollars trilogy and am looking forward to Invictus (featuring Bath Rugby's former back-rower Zak Feuanati as Jonah Lomu). The favourite sons of the western remained in power, with John Wayne achieving an impressive 7th place, despite being dead for more than 30 years and not having released a film since 1976's The Shootist.

Right, now on to my absence next week. I'm going to ride down mountains on two planks of carbon-fibre, while hopefully avoiding serious injury. This means one of two things- firstly, I'd better hope that I can remember how to ski fairly sharpish and secondly, that there probably won't be any blogs this Friday or next week. There should be another quick one tomorrow, though, if that provides any comfort at all.

Tuesday, 26 January 2010

The Twittering...

Right, as you'll denote from the wee widget on the side of this page I am one of the illustrious Twitterati (@SamuelERobinson), albeit a fairly unsuccessful one. I have, at time of writing, no less than 812 tweets for a mere 43 followers that's a dire tweet:follower ratio of 19:1. I'd like to think my treats (as @LloydWoolf likes to call them) are everything one would look for in a twitterer: Concise, often witty, sometimes banal and yet in 10 months of tweeting I have only 43 followers. Don't get me wrong, I love my followers like family, but within an hour of Bill Gates joining Twitter he had half a million followers (plus this marvellous treat from @Glinner) and Twitter crashed, prompting this picture from some unknown internet genius. I know that the comparison with one of the richest men in the world will do me no favours at all, but I have high standards. Perhaps I should take you back to the very beginning.

March 2009. As an avid listener to Richard Bacon's late-night 5live show (and all the honours and privileges that go with it...) I heard him discuss this new exciting form of social networking, Twitter. 'Ah, what wonders lay within the elusive 140 character Twoosh' I mused and consequently signed up. Bacon was at one point (and possibly still is) the most followed Brit on Twitter, with an astonishing 50,000 more than legendary Twitterer (now in self-enforced exile) Stephen Fry and yet he has only 530 tweets and has tailed off since bagging the prestigious 2 til 4 slot. I dream of 1000 followers, let alone over 1,300,000 and yet for love nor money, nor pestering comedians with @replies have I made significant gains in that time. The summer of 2009 was particularly hard- I managed to lose 10 or so followers for no real reason in particular, but I clawed my way back, slowly but surely.

I know that it has become somewhat fashionable to knock Twitter (yes, Gervais, I'm looking in your direction) and that some have tried but failed to grasp the catharsis, skill and artistry of the 140 character medium (Gervais again, he's a funny guy, but you can't keep the Twitterati down) but the truth is it is a masterful way of honing your writing skills. The 140 character limit forces you to be concise with your wit and numerous comedy writers and performers from the aforementioned Graham Linehan to the criminally funny @serafinowicz (how did he become so very good at this? I suspect a Faustian pact may have played a part...) have grasped this challenge with both hands and created some of the most innovative, interactive wit on the interweb.

There are trending topics for the populars and the Americans (usually nonsense about some Justin Bieber type or other or just plain ridiculous rumours i.e. Johnny Depp and Jeff Goldblum dying - not together, there wasn't some kind of agreement) but the real joy of Twitter is in the simple mirth generated by a brief sentence or two. Many of the finest comic minds in Britain have used it as a promotion, practice and outreach tool and it allows us mere mortals a wild e-lunge at them as we grab their humourous coat-tails and are dragged along with them. My fellow comedy bloggers (@simone_QoF and @JamesWalkerMan) and I have found it a rather handy little distraction through which we are able to investigate the inner-workings of the successful comedian's mind (as well as plug our blogs, of course...).

Another joy of Twitter is the hashtag. This minute piece of internet paraphernalia allows you to lump your tweets in with people talking about the same thing or even create your own fleeting hubs of discussion, allowing you a few seconds of illusory influence before someone more famous than you comes up with something else. For the last week or so I have been trying desperately to get my hashtag #unsuccessfultvpitches (for example: Being Herman - A number of famous Herman((n))s ((thinking Maier, van Rompuy, Li but not Goering)) share a Bristol flat) off the ground (click link for full list and details). It's a simple comic premise allowing you to create a pun on a tv programme and a witty synopsis and yet only me and one other person have contributed. Never shall I cease to attempt garnering suggestions for it and I may well include blog updates of my success (not very likely) or otherwise (highly probable).

I suppose the nub of the issue is that Twitter remains very much a (and I hate to use this miserable titbit of media vernacular) Marmite topic. I personally love it, it has become somewhat of an addiction for me and yet the satisfaction of creating a perfect, witty 140-character one-liner is often outweighed by the ignominy felt after the general disinterest of High Twitiety. Even deceased, legendary, morbid melancholic poet Edgar Allen Poe spends almost as much time lamenting his lack of followers as I do- 'I remain perplex as to why a writer of my wit, imagination & magnitude doesn't possess as many followers as half-wit B-list actors' and 'What must I do for you ungrateful scalawags to adore me even more?'. Both complaints that I myself have just about managed to refrain from spewing out into the e-verse.

'What must I do for you ungrateful Scalawags to adore me even more?' Truer words on the human condition have never been uttered.

Monday, 25 January 2010

Sympathy For The Devil...

Well, last week saw the return of The CW's brilliant Supernatural from it's mid-season break. It's now entering the second half of it's fifth season in which the complex storyline that has been built up over the last four seasons will be resolved. The show has a huge cult following on both sides of the Atlantic but its basic premise of two brothers hunting supernatural beings could so easily be poorly done, so what is it that makes Supernatural such a brilliant show?

The success of any show invariably hinges on its main characters and Supernatural is no exception to this. The relationship between Sam and Dean Winchester carries the show and is fraught with twists, turns, laughter and tears, all portrayed brilliantly by actors Jared Padalecki and Jensen Ackles. Series 4 saw the arrival of the angel Castiel (Misha Collins), considered by many to be the third main character and he has quickly become a fan favourite for his deadpan delivery and flecks of near-autistic angelic naivety.

The show weaves it own mythos from every corner of urban legend and mythology- pagan, christian, ancient or modern- and has succeeded in creating a rich tapestry of characters and creatures and has put a new spin on several traditional monsters. The majority of the episodes in each series are self-contained meaning that new viewers can simply drop-in, however the writers are still able to carry the overall story arc throughout, with a handful of episodes solely dedicated to this purpose.

The show has an incredibly distinctive style, most episodes taking place along the backroads of small-town America (though principal photography takes place almost exclusively in Canada) and a number of key elements have become every bit as legendary as the characters and the creatures they hunt. Perhaps the best examples of this is Dean's 1967 Chevrolet Impala, which is the brothers' primary method of transportation and has as much a right to be considered a star of the show as any of the characters and the Colt, a legendary gun forged by Samuel Colt capable of killing anything... well, almost anything- turns out that there are five things in creation that it can't defeat (one of which just happens to be the most nefarious arch-villian of the show).

There too is a brilliant sense of humour and fun throughout Supernatural and even in the most dire of circumstances, the Winchester boys usually have a quip or two up their sleeves. Dean has the lion's share of memorable lines, but each episode remains endlessly quotable and a number of supporting characters provide their fair share of hilarity (Castiel's reactions to human quirks are invariably priceless and cult author/prophet Chuck Shirley provides a number of hapless laugh out loud moments). There's a self-awareness to the show too, something which I always consider a valuable quality for any TV programme to have. It's not afraid of poking fun at itself and at its legions of loyal fans (a recent episode centering around a Supernatural convention was a clever example of this), which can only be a good thing.

It also features one of the best TV soundtracks in living memory. An exceptional original underscore is married with a smattering of classic rock hits from bands such as AC/DC, Blue Oyster Cult, Foreigner, Lynyrd Skynyrd and many more. The music is the underlying foundation of the show and a constant frame of reference for Dean, creating an endless source of jokes, aliases and arguments on the subject.

In short, it's a remarkable show that takes the ideas of horror (that Hollywood constantly grapples and often fails with), comedy (ditto) and good old fashion brotherly love and melds them into 40 minute rollercoasters of laughter, fright and action that exists within its own fully-fledged mythology. In complete layman's terms, think Dukes of Hazzard meets An American Werewolf In London meets Wanted Dead Or Alive by Bon Jovi and your a little way towards understanding what I'm on about.

From the moment I saw the opening few minutes of the pilot episode, I knew it was going to be a good show, by the end of the twelfth episode 'Faith' (which remains one of my favourite episodes of any American series) I knew it was going to be a great show and after four and half series, it has sustained this high quality wonderfully. This fifth season has often been touted as the last, the big finale, the final showdown, but rumours have surfaced of a sixth and both Ackles and Padalecki have options for a sixth on their contracts, however this is purely conjecture (but if it is true, feel free to say you saw it here first...). It is in my eyes one of the best-written and best-acted shows on television and is not as recognised as it surely deserves to be. So, do yourself a favour and pick up the Season 1-4 boxset now, it even has a nice picture of the Impala on the box. What more could you want? (Don't answer that, I just thought it'd be a snappy ending)




Things I Also Watched Recently...
As well as Supernatural, I caught up with plenty of films that I should have watched a long time ago, these included: The Damned United (touching romantic comedy about Brian Clough and Peter Taylor...), Hellboy II (del Toro is an unadulterated genius- the King Midas of film making) and The Wrestler (during which I nearly had a bit of a weep, in a totally manly way...).

Friday, 22 January 2010

The Friday Pictorial: Steamboat Blog Jr.

Ok, so this an exciting new feature called the Friday Pictorial, in which I will attempt to craft some manner of film, cartoon or general visual information for your delectation. Today's is a semi-autobiographical silent movie.




The track is 'Frolic' by Luciano Michelini (yes, the Curb Your Enthusiasm theme...).

Thursday, 21 January 2010

Politics or: How I Learnt to Stop Caring and Just Bloody Well Get On With Things...

Despite the long title, this is going to be another collection of ramblings spun around a topical starting point- Scott Brown. This one is a fairly serious one too, because it's hard to be funny about Republicans winning things. Ok, I warned you. I imagine most of you will have gleaned my political stance from my choice of publications, but if by some miracle you haven't, it will doubtless become clear during this post.

Obama's in a bit of a pickle now, what with the election of Scott Brown, who had a cheeky pop at the Healthcare Reform Bill, robbing the Democrats of a filibuster-proof majority. Did the Kennedy's die in vain, so that a dangerous, truck driving Republican Cosmo centrefold could scupper the only sensible piece of American legislation in the last 10 years? Seriously, people might knock the NHS for waiting lists etc. but every Briton should be proud to live in a nation where such an amazing piece of reform is possible and moreover Americans should see that the Healthcare Reform Bill is much more than an excuse to tax some of the Republican elite, it's a way of making sure that every average blue-collar family lingering on the poverty line have access to free, comprehensive and universal healthcare. A hugely admirable, nay, noble crusade.

The seeds of welfare politics were sown by the Liberal Government in the early 1900s, spurred on by doubts over national efficiency to produce a remarkable manifesto of social reform policies, including most importantly of all the National Insurance Act. These weren't vote catching policies, it was true innovative social upheaval by one of the most revolutionary governments in British history and set a precendent for state intervention into healthcare, later capitalised upon by Atlee's post-war Labour Government. The Second World War created the context for change and the NHS was hot on its heels allowing this revolutionary act to be brought in and although concessions were made, it still put an end to private or panel and allowed access at the point of need within the system. A system that, to this day, ensures that everyone is entitled to treatment regardless of social or economic standing.

So why exactly are the Americans dead set against it? I wish I could tell you but now, thanks to Browns devastating election it would seem as though Obama, suffering some of the lowest approval ratings in American history, will have to rethink the bill. It's typical, isn't it- you try and do something to help your country and they turn round and knee you in the rattlers. If he is somehow forced to withdraw the bill, the problem is that when the next global 'pandemic' occurs it won't be the Republican fat cats that suffer, it'll be honest workers struggling to get by who fall victim to medical bills and treatment costs and that just isn't fair. But then life's a shithouse anyway (right kids?) so I suppose I shouldn't be surprised.

My remedy? Get Bruce Springsteen to record another Born in the USA-style album about the travails of an ordinary blue-collar man, with a finale about him dying because he can't afford to go to hospital.

Right, that's the serious politics out of the way, I'll be funny again tomorrow, I promise.

Wednesday, 20 January 2010

Disjointed Ramblings About BBC 7... and Let the Right One In

Apologies in advance, this post is likely to be somewhat bitty for a number of reasons. Firstly, it's snowing outside which means that I'll simply have to mention it (in a kind of 'ooh isn't that nice' way rather than the prepsoterous sensationalised '60,000 people to die' kind of way). Secondly, I'm supposed to be going out to collect voxpops for a radio station and I might be cut down in my prime to become some poorly-paid hack/Shackleton. Thirdly, I managed the grand total of 4 and a half hour's sleep last night, so this could well make no sense at all. Right that's all the disclaimers out of the way, so let's get on with it.

The first issue I'd like to discuss is BBC 7. I know what you're thinking- that's not an issue, that's a radio station and well, you'd be right. The issue is probably the undervaluation of this station which provides insomniacs like me with some rather excellent distractions while we're trying and inevitably failing to get to sleep. I guess it could be termed a Specialist station, but then that makes it sound like some weird radio porn (a bit like the 'specialist music' section in smaller branches of HMV- I just want to look at some blues or folk records, don't make me feel like a pervert in the process). BBC 7 features an extensive library of classic and contemporary comedy, drama and documentaries, but the section that I rely most heavily on is the Crime and Thrillers from 1 o'clock onwards, currently featuring the excellent Sherlock Holmes recordings made by Carleton Hobbs and Norman Shelley. It's a rather excellent way of assimilating curios from the sea of classic fiction into your consciousness too- until a couple of weeks ago they had been playing all 30 episodes of Russell Thorndike's Doctor Syn series', narrated by the surprisingly versatile Rufus Sewell.

Then there's the 15 minute drama at 2 o'clock, which since Monday of last week has been H. E. Bates' Love For Lydia, a semi-autobiographical tale set in the roaring twenties, following a journalist named Richardson as he falls for an heiress and proceeds to claim his as one of the most depressing lives ever (when in reality it's the other characters who have a right to feel hard done by). Drawled in Tim Pigott-Smith's rich baritone, we follow the young journo as he is enchanted and summarily rejected by the titular Lydia, whose other suitors proceed to die in increasingly depressing (but also accidentally mildly comic) circumstances. The first fell drunkenly off a bridge while Lydia and Richardson were busy arguing and then last night Tom was found dead with a bullet wound, a policeman claiming that he accidentally shot himself while attempting to traverse a stile ('one of the dangers of carrying a gun at night' !!). Now, I'm largely unfamiliar with the source text, but we have run out of male characters apart from the family's driver Blackie (whose father died) of whom Lydia is a 'business partner', so I can only imagine that he will perhaps drive a car containing all the remaining characters (including Nancy, the only character I have any sympathy for really) off a bridge while shooting himself.

The feature that perpetually torments me is the children's programmes that begin somewhere around five o'clock and feature singing, excitable annoyances (and that's just the presenters...) and an alarming propensity to rasp loudly "Wake Up!" in a curious, terrifying whisper that causes me to sit bolt upright every time, expecting to see the children from M. R. James' Lost Hearts or perhaps Eli from Let The Right One In sitting at the end of my bed. Actually that leads me on to another quick rant. As I mentioned in my post about Highlander, there is a Hollywood remake of Let the Right One In slated for later this year with Cloverfield's Matt Reeves at the helm. As if that wasn't bad enough, the English version will be known as Let Me In (you know you're in trouble when you have to dumb down a five word title for the American market). Director of the original, Tomas Alfredson, was suitably skeptical about what will likely be another trashy horror that somewhat misses the point of the original, quoted as saying 'remakes should be made of movies that aren't very good, it gives you the chance to fix whatever has gone wrong.' Now there's certainly nothing wrong with Alfredson's marvellous adaptation, featuring stellar performances and brilliant cinematography and it was even Mark Kermode's film of the year last year- so why remake it? Well, Reeves offered the defence that he 'has nothing but respect for the film' and even author of the original novel, John Ajvide Lindquist, said he was excited that it would be following the plot of his novel rather than Alfredson's film and that the end result could be quite different. Simon Oakes of Hammer Pictures (yep, that Hammer Pictures) claimed that it would be very close to the original (shooting down Lindquist's dreams in a fiction-y fireball) but made 'very accessible to a wider audience'. So that's any hope well and truly flushed down the Hollywood remake toilet then...

Tuesday, 19 January 2010

BRIT Awards.... and Bruce Springsteen....

Right, well as many of you will know the nominations for the ever prestigious and classy BRIT awards were released yesterday. Now, it's fair to say that I don't know who most of them are (well most aside from the British Group and International Act nominations), but I am fairly certain that comparatively few are actually worthy of awards. Well, my feelings about most modern music have been made clear in my previous posts, so it probably comes as no surprise, dear reader, to find out that this will be a scorn-filled comment about British music... oh and then a bit about how tremendous Bruce Springsteen is, because I don't want to end on a sour note.

I won't discuss the British solo artists/breakthrough categories because I don't really know much about any of them and the ones that I have heard more than a handful of times don't exactly fill me with hope for modern music, so the less said the better, I should think. The Breakthrough Act can be summarised thus: Florence and the Machine (red hair and Lungs, not as bad as some of the others), Friendly Fires (don't know), JLS (a sort of reality waxwork Boyz II Men), La Roux (quiff, massively overrated single) and Pixie Lott (hot pants, strange name).

The Best British single category is also a sadistic denunciation of the 'industry', dominated as it is by Simon Cowell's shiny-toothed crap-pop mafia. Then there's that woman, you know the one from Strictly who isn't a proper judge, a Taio Cruz- whatever one of those is and a deeply unholy union of Tinchy Stryder and N-Dubz (probably of case of collective IQ actually diminishing as a result of them all being in the same room at the same time).

This year's BRIT awards feature a number of special '30 year' categories to pad out the ceremony a bit, but these aren't any less contemptible than the other categories really. Looking at the 'Albums of 30 years nominations' there can surely be no greater indictment of the British music industry. In a sea of overrated bollocks, my pick is the classic (Lloyd Woolf won't like this bit) Brothers in Arms by head-banded, fingerpicking, guitar-oriented rock merchants Dire Straits. It reminds me of the happy times when was music was made properly by people with at least one actual music- machine a piece and a vast array of colourful headgear.

The 'Performance of 30 Years' category is just as much of a curio, with yet another interesting lineup. Perhaps the winner here should be the Who's performance in 1988, which due to time constraints, began when Rick Astley was halfway to the stage to collect an award. Ironically dear old Astley (of internet meme fame) felt partiuclarly let down by this (but perhaps not given up, run around or deserted).

(It should be noted that the only bit of BRITs from the last 30 years that filled me with anything approaching hope for mankind was that year the Darkness swept to victory and the time that the Arctic Monkeys took the piss out of the BRITs School kids)

So international awards, what do we have here? Well there's the Breakthrough act featuring Lady (or Madam, as Jason Isaacs once called her and he's not far off the mark) Gaga, Daniel Merriweather, a kind of edgy Australian Michael Buble who collaborated (and I mean that in the 'Drastamat Kanayan collaborated with the Nazis' kind of way) with annoying, mid-Atlantic music-botherer cum producer Mark Ronson. Then there's Animal Collective, a sort of crap whiny American Kraftwerk, whose video for My Girls is somewhere between epilepsy and amoebic dysentery. Jonathan Overend couldn't make me like it and neither can anyone. Listening to them is a bit like watching one of those awful American teen comedies, I genuinely can't bear it for more than a few seconds. There's also Empire of the Sun, who really were not as good as their album cover suggests and Taylor Swift, who frankly deserves to win (will Kanye have another pop? We just don't know...) being the least offensive of the lot.

The International Male is often the strongest and this one (with the exception of Eminem and Jay-Zed) follows suit. Buble is a reasonably inoffensive Canadian crooner whose most recent album was one of the more bearable offerings of the year, Seasick Steve is a man bringing a flavour of Delta Blues to the mainstream- a noble pursuit- and finally a true legend, the one, the only Bruce 'the Boss' Springsteen. No doubt the Boss will be in attendance for this momentous nomination in arguably the 11th or 12th most prestigious music awards in the industry.

On a serious note, Springsteen's musical achievements are hugely extensive and put every single other nominated artist to shame. From his humble beginnings and first two albums of experimental, hammond organ and guitar-led multiverse (a term coined by music scholar Rikki Rooksby) featuring the upbeat 'Blinded By the Lights', the brilliantly harmonised 'Rosalita' (in which the seeds of the classic E-Street Band sound are sown) and the epic 9 minute 'Kitty's Back', Springsteen found the 'sound' that would make him a superstar on his third (and one of the all-time greatest) album Born to Run. Here the style of the first two albums was mixed with sheer exuberance, despair, stadium-rock levels of rousing choruses and crashing crescendos to critical and popular acclaim alike and since then Springsteen has never looked back. He's constantly reinvented himself and refined his sound from the emotional double album 'The River' and blue-collar Bible 'Born in the USA' to introspective solo offerings like 'Nebraska' and 'The Ghost of Tom Joad', he has never failed to deliver and following this year's Working On A Dream and an astounding Glastonbury performance at the grand age of 60 he's well worth the award. With live shows upwards of 3 hours in length and tracks to please every corner of the listening public, Springsteen is a true hero of music and his contribution is astonishing, eminently listenable and unforgettable. Boss, I salute you.

Monday, 18 January 2010

The One and Only Herb McGwyer Plays Wallis Island

Okey dokey, hope you all had good weekends (the new rule is, I don't blog on weekends unless I'm snowed in or have nothing better to do). I certainly did. I was turned on to a delightful comedy movie short by Simone of this excellent comedy review web log. That movie short was 'The One and Only Herb McGwyer Plays Wallis Island', a touching 24 minute comedy written by Tim Key and Tom Basden and directed by James Griffiths of Moxie Pictures, whose stable includes such heavyweights as Kevin Smith and Wes Anderson. It was nominated for a BAFTA in the 2007 awards but lost out (rather unfairly, I feel) to Paddy Considine's Dog Altogether.

The One and Only Herb McGwyer Plays Wallis Island is a poignant, witty and touching tale of a troubled folk singer playing a one-off gig for his number one fan for the princely sum of £500,000. Along the way, he learns a few home truths and finds his passion for music reignited by the bumbling charm of multi-millionaire Charles.

If you have a few spare minutes (and your internet buffers faster than mine) then the film can viewed here on Moxie's website (click on the black box to begin). I would seriously suggest watching the film before reading this (it's better for all parties that way). Now, as a huge Cowards fan I am probably more than a little biased towards anything involving messers Key, Basden, Woolf or Golaszewski, however even from the opening few seconds it became abundantly clear why this particular offering received such high praise.

We open with a black screen and banter while Basden attemps the intro of one of the original songs he composed for 'Herb McGwyer'. It then cuts to a engineered version of the song as we see McGwyer (Basden, sporting some marvellous facial hair) on a boat carving its way towards the island. Credits intersperse the action and McGwyer touches the spray with an outstretched hand, before we see Charles (Key) slip his waders on and move out to meet McGwyer. The conversation that follows as McGwyer disembarks sets the tone for the rest of the film. Anyone familiar with Cowards or with Key's writing will easily recognise the classic style of the dialogue, all beautifully shot, filtered, naturally lit and stunningly directed. The lion's share of Griffith's previous body of work is in advertising and there are hints of that particular fingerprint in 'Herb McGwyer', with the filtered shots, laced with the optimism of today's high production value adverts, though the film doesn't suffer for this fact.

As Charles, a lottery winner and occupant of the titular Wallis Island, Key gives a definitive performance, featuring the beautiful, understated, fumbling realism that he is so truly adept at (see Radio 4's All Bar Luke for details). Like Luke Walsall, Charles is a both comic and tragic simultaneously and more than this, he's painfully human. There's a certain wide-eyed innocent charm to Charles that instantly endears him to the viewer. Basden and Key (and their Cowards counterparts) seem to be to coax out far more believable performances than a good deal of full-length movies or TV shows could ever dream of.

Basden, as the eponymous Herb McGwyer 'the nice guy of folk' gives an equally human turn, with tremendous comic timing and rapport with long-time comedy comrade Key. Throughout the film, the layers of McGwyer's personality are slowly peeled back to reveal a troubled folkie suffering in the pit of depression, having sold out to the corporations and suffering from a loss of motivation, though insists that the 'cool half million' isn't his primary motive (there's some beautiful foreshadowing in the money scene involving apples). The scenes of revelation involving the disaffected musician showcase Basden's considerable talent and the scene where Herb launches his diva-like tirade at Charles is a masterclass in comedy drama.

The direction is very good with a number of imaginative transitions (the one from the kitchen to the bathroom is pure genius and oddly reminds me of Wallace and Gromit- in a good way) and generally clever, insightful decisions made on shooting and particularly lighting. The concert scene is beautifully shot and remarkably moving for a comedy.

Naturally there are some classic lines in the film, one that immediately springs to mind is the early sequence where Charles explains that the dripping tap 'in a way, works too well', the wonderful 'never meet your heroes... again. It's another Le Carre' and of course the scene were Charles reveals the venue (and indeed audience size) to Herb.

A special mention really must go to Basden's compositions, created especially for the film. Basden has a great reputation as a comedian with acoustic guitar and capo in hand, but one mustn't overlook the sheer quality of the folk songs that he composed for Herb McGwyer. Every song that Herb performs throughout the film is easily of releasable quality and a number feature clever chord changes and inspirational chourses. From the catchy 'Raspberry Fair' (from the Hewlett Packard ads...) to the Nick Drake-esque 'Sky Child' featured at the beginning, middle and end of the picture.

In short, The One and Only Herb McGwyer Plays Wallis Island is one of the finest short films I have ever had the pleasure of viewing. Both Key and Basden's performances are perfectly judged and this charming, funny and ultimately poignant tale is one that will live long in my memory and unbelievably it can be seen for free on the internet. If I had stars to dish out, it would be given five, alas I do not yet have the power to award official ratings to films. Basden and Key are a terrific partnership (whose other two marvellous shorts can be viewed here on Myspace) and I simply cannot wait to see 'Party', the pair's most recent collaboration, when it begins its London run in March. They are two of the very brightest talents in British comedy (surely we can petition the Beeb for a new series of Cowards too...) and their brilliance is displayed nowhere more prominently than in 'Herb McGwyer'.

Friday, 15 January 2010

Silent Witness Commentary

Ok, here's something fun that you champs can do over your weekends. Watch Silent Witness on iPlayer and read my 140 character at-a-time commentary of the episode at the same time. Well, it's just a bit of fun, isn't it. (Or you could just read the commentary, it's probably better than watching the episode really... though if you don't watch the episode the Cantona joke won't make sense.)

Silent Witness is underway. Was Cantona guilty or not? It will surely be established over the next riveting 52 minutes or so.

Lies, subterfuge, seething corruption from Harry! Is that a nail in Cantona's coffin? #Silentwitness

Yes, I'm afraid I will be clogging your feeds with a tweet by tweet account of #silentwitness. Don't worry, only 48 minutes to go.

Harry's going apeshit about slipgate! Nikki's being cryptic. Emotional moment between Cantona and daughter. #Silentwitness

Cantona's daughter witnessed vampirism in the hospital where she works? How is this relevant? We may never know... #Silentwitness

Cantona wastes no time in showing his famous charm by crushing inmate's testicles. Oh and a Glasgow kiss. #Silentwitness

Oh, Nikki discovers police corruption in slipgate! Coverup? Apparently evidence of weapon found but dismissed. Crikey! #Silentwitness

Nikki attacked by the mentalist vampire, who then proceeds to die! My God this is exciting! #Silentwitness

Nikki vs. Detective round 2! Ashtray murder weapon found?! The plot is ever thickening, like some viscous... bitumen. #Silentwitness

Gruesome pathology from Harry, stoic as ever. He cut away the neck to look at the tongue? Isn't it easier to open the mouth? #Silentwitness

Vampire woman looks pretty guilty, ashtray DNA match. Does Cantona live to fight another day? #Silentwitness

Harry bitching at Nikki, ACTING. Dad issues. ACTING. Frowny expressions and storming out from Nikki. #Silentwitness

Cantona released, for the moment. But it isn't over until the fat lady sings. #Silentwitness

Harry looking for backup from Leo. H wants to go to Prague to dig up body (not very legal). Prof isn't happy, but allows it. #Silentwitness

Reached the halfway point in #Silentwitness commentary. A gallop to the finish is in store. Prague? Is Cantona really innocent? Revelations.

Vampire killed by latex! Nikki and detective resolve issues. Harry is in Prague (Czech Republic)! #Silentwitness

Cantona tells Nikki of Harry's trip to Prague. 'Truth's a lot like love' ? Oh bloody hell. #Silentwitness

Leo's back at the path lab. The voice of reason attempts to resolve the squabbling. Has a House-style limp/cane. Nice. #Silentwitness

Revelation - Vampire victim was Czech! Yelled 'help' in Czech, so he did. Something about 'trauma triggers' now. #Silentwitness

Harry's exhumed a corpse and now the archaeo-pathology begins! What does it all mean? We will surely find out. #Silentwitness

Prague woman was murdered! Was it Cantona though? Nikki's back at his house- loud music and smoking is happening. #Silentwitness

Oh, Nikki's alluding to murder of Cantona's Prague wife as cause for his daughter's PTSD. #Silentwitness

Harry phones Nikki with news of Prague wife's murder and now Cantona has trapped her in his house. #Silentwitness

Harrowing film of Cantona murdering Prague wife. Back in the real world, daughter arrives and Nikki flees. #Silentwitness

Cantona talks to daughter about Prague wife murder and she forgives him! Unadulterated craziness! #Silentwitness

Daughter might have killed Wife no. 2! She's denying it and hitting Cantona, but it's still a possibility. #Silentwitness

Cantona's confessing, but lies about wife no. 2. Nikki lambasts him in prison meeting room. #Silentwitness

Harry's back from Prague, Nikki and him patch things up in seconds. There'll probably be sex by the end of the episode... #Silentwitness

Holy mother of God, Cantona's daughter is now on the slab! Hanged herself. #Silentwitness

Cantona cries. Nikki imagines that preposterous 'truth is a lot like love speech'. Fades on wife no. 2's corpse. Charming. #Silentwitness

Well that's it, yet more confusing than the first part and everyone dead or imprisoned. Wonderful. Thus concluding #Silentwitness commentary.

So, what did we learn, kids? Well, Cantona was a murderer, but not of who we thought, his daughter was also a murderer but killed herself. There was some hokum about 'truth being like love', the sexual tension between Harry and Nikki ratcheted to impossible levels and everyone ended up dead or in prison. How very edifying...

There, that's an hour of your lives, you'll never get back. (Though, between you and me, well spent wasn't it? Really, I mean, what else would you have done...? What's that? 'Productive things'? I have no idea what you mean...)

The Simpsons... and Silent Witness...

Ok, so many of you will know that yesterday was designated as the official 20th anniversary of everyone's favourite jaundiced American family, The Simpsons. There are oodles of lists of best moments, best lines etc from the family Simpson (including this one from the Guardian) so I'll attempt to offer you something a little different. The alternative blogger's guide to The Simpsons, if you will. Despite the odd dip it consistently remains one of the funniest programmes on the idiotbox, so here's to another 20 years.

Now, in my eyes the true heroes of The Simpsons are Professor John Frink, Chief Clancy Wiggum, Mayor "Diamond" Joe Quimby, Troy McClure and Lionel Hutz (the final two voiced by the late, great Phil Hartman)

Frink's highlight and my favourite moment from any episode of The Simpsons ever is this marvellous example of the American attitude to substitute teachers...

Wiggum has an endless slew of brilliant highlights and is one of the most quotable characters in the show- here are a few of the best-

Lisa: Chief Wiggum, how did you get these tickets?
Wiggum: Krusty knows how to play ball.
[Flashback: Krusty sits in a porno theater. Wiggum enters behind him.]
Wiggum: Ahhh...nothin' beats a good porno movie!
Krusty: (startled) Cheif Wiggum! Is this a bust?
Wiggum: Uh, yeah. That's what it is, a bust.
[Back to reality...]
Lisa: That story isn't appropriate for children!
Wiggum: Really? I keep my pants on in this version.

Wiggum: Ah, they only come out at night... or in this case, the daytime.

Wiggum: Bye, Lisa! If anything goes wrong, just dial 911! Uh, unless it's an emergency!
Lisa: G'bye, Chief! Enjoy Bob Saget!
Wiggum: Heh, it's Bob Seger! (He looks at the tickets and frowns) Aw, crap!

Ralph Wiggum: Daddy, these rubber pants are hot.
Chief Wiggum: Wear 'em till you learn son, wear 'em till you learn.

Chief Wiggum: (arresting the bear, and Barney the drunk) Book 'em Lou. One count of being a bear. And one count of being an accessory to being a bear.

Quimby, as well as being a parody of Ted Kennedy, cracks a fair few funnies. My favourite being-

Quimby: Can't we have one meeting that doesn't end with us digging up a corpse?

But it's when you put Wiggum and Quimby together that you get true comedy genius.

Quimby: [to Wiggum] Watch it, you walking tub of donut batter!
Wiggum: Hey, I got pictures of you, Quimby.
Quimby: You don't scare me. That could be anyone's ass!

Chief Wiggum: Oh, sorry folks. (Sarcastic) Gee, I really hate to spoil this little love-in, but Mr. Malloy broke the law. And when you break the law, you gotta go to jail.
Mayor Quimby: Uh, that reminds me, er, here's your monthly kickback.
Chief Wiggum: You just -- you couldn't have picked a worse time.

One of McClure's many highlights and the one I've picked for this post was his appearance in Broadway smash Planet of the Apes: the Musical. (Sadly I can only find a Spanish language version, though the important bits are still in English).

Useless lawyer Lionel Hutz was often called upon to the Simpsons out of a scrape or two and provided a fair few classic lines along the way.

Hutz: Now Marge, you've come to the right place. By hiring me as your lawyer, you also get this smoking monkey.
[sniff] Better cut down there, Smokey! [laughs]
Marge: Mr. Hutz!
Hutz: [excited] Look - he's taking another puff!
Marge: Mr. Hutz! This was all a misunderstanding; I didn't mean to take anything. [Lionel disappointedly drops the smoking monkey in a drawer full of identical critters]
Hutz: Now don't you worry, Mrs. Simpson, I - uh-oh. We've drawn Judge Snyder.
Marge: Is that bad?
Hutz: Well, he's kind of had it in for me, since I accidently ran over his dog. Actually, replace `accidently' with `repeatedly', and replace `dog' with `son'.

Hutz: Now Mr. Nahasapeemapetilon, if that is your real name.
Have you ever forgotten anything?
Apu: No. In fact I can recite pi to 40,000 places.
And the last digit is 1.
Homer: Mmm... pie.
Hutz: Well if you never forget anything. Tell me this. What color tie am I wearing? [turns around]
Apu: You are wearing a red and white club tie in a half-windsor knot.
Hutz: Oh, I am, am I? Is that what you think? Well if that's what you think, I have something to tell you [ugh]. Something which may shock and discredit you [ugh]. And that thing is as follows [as he finally undoes the whole tie]. I'm not wearing a tie at all. [jury gasps]
Apu: If I am wrong about that. Maybe I am wrong about Mrs. Simpson.
Hutz: No further questions. [Hutz raises his arm and the tie is sticking out of his sleeve]

Marge: So, Mr. Hutz, does my husband have a case?
Hutz: I'm sorry, Mrs. Simpson, but you can't copyright a drink.
Homer: [whines] Oh!
Hutz: This all goes back to the Frank Wallbanger case of '78. How about that! I looked something up! These books behind me don't just make the office look good, they're filled with useful legal tidbits just like that!

Hutz: Mr. Simpson, this is the most blatant case of fraudulent advertising since my suit against the film, "The Never-Ending Story".
Homer: So. Do you think I have a case?
Hutz: Homer, I don't use the word "hero" very often, but you are the greatest hero in American history.
Homer: Woo hoo!

A stand-out Simpson moment was from the Season 9 episode Natural Born Kissers which featured this piece of genius (sadly I couldn't find the footage for this one).

Reverend: Now lets all thank the lord for this our new crystal church for us to behold all his natural glory.

[Homer's backside is sliding across the top of it the roof, making a huge noise]

Reverend: Now hurry, let's all look down and admire God's new parquet floor. [Eyes closed looking down as Homer still passes by on the ceiling] Eyes on the floor, still on the floor, always on God's floor.

An honourable mention should go to Arnie Pie (in the sky) for two nuggets of pure gold.

"I can't see through metal, Kent!" (you probably had to be there)
"I don't have a mirror that can see into people's souls, Kent, but if I did, yours would be black, Kent, black as the ace of spades!"

And to the random Canadian who called Homer a 'Shatner-stealing Mexico toucher'.

One final mention (though this is a Homer moment) goes to this wonderful, simple gag about Witness Protection schemes.

So, what are your favourite quotes/moments? Leave a comment with any I've missed.

Okey dokey, seeing as the first half of this post was mostly quotes, the astute analysis (well perhaps not) comes in this bit.

Last night I saw the last half an hour of Silent Witness on BBC1 and well, having missed all the establishing material, I found it rather difficult to follow. From what I could establish a man (Eric Cantona- last seen playing Merlin's dad in, well, 'Merlin') had been accused of pushing his wife down the stairs. Cantona claimed that she had been drunk and had fallen down the stairs, presumably because 'when ze seagulls follow ze trawler, it is because zey zink zat women will be zhrown down ze stairs'. Now the two main characters (since the other one went into a coma, but is fine now apparently) found themselves on opposing sides of the case. But who's right? That woman- you know, the posh one... her brother's in 'Lewis'- (probably not) or the well-spoken man (probably right). Well you'll find out in 30 minutes anyway.

For those of you among the Twitterati, there will be a running twit-commentary during the show. Hopefully humorous, perhaps just mildly cynical.

Thursday, 14 January 2010

The Guardians Top 50 TV Dramas

As fans of Wittertainment will well know, Simon Mayo constantly ribs film critic Mark Kermode for his reliance on a handful of media sources, mainly the Guardian. I am much the same as the eminent Dr. K (and not just because I have massive hands - see episode five of series three of The Thick of It for details), as I'm sure many of you will have noticed. A number of my posts were inspired by or even contain links to the Guardian website (I know... I'm a dangerous Liberal, blah, blah, blah) and this one will be no different. So strap yourselves in and Mayo, feel free to make fun of me all you want.

Earlier this week, my favourite daily publication produced this list of top 50 television dramas and today, only a handful of days later, they were forced to publish a brief appendix of the shows they missed, most startlingly HBO's magnificent, sweary, violent tale of the Black Hills in the American West, Deadwood. There was literally an outcry, people claimed that it should be 'top 5, maybe even best ever' and that excluding Deadwood made the whole thing 'a farce', even Guardian staff member Esther Addley asked 'where is Deadwood? I fear you may be very, very wrong.' And you know what? For once the public is actually right about something. To omit Deadwood from the list and yet allow Eastenders in is a bizarre aberration and one that has led me to write today's blog post in praise of the fantastically adult, brilliantly scripted, thematically complex tale of a small mining camp and its growth into a town in the dying days of the American West.

Now, I'm not going to attempt to describe three seasons of hour long episodes to you, but what I will say is that the character development is fantastic. There's an enormous rich and varied ensemble cast, but perhaps the two protagonists are hardware store owner cum lawman Seth Bullock (Timothy Olyphant) and appropriately named saloon owner and kingpin Al Swearengen (a bravura performance by Ian McShane). Bullock has the unenviable task of bringing law to Deadwood, while Swearengen makes the successful transition over the seasons of antagonist to antihero - while Swearengen is portrayed as ruthless, amoral and canniving, he is made to look like the Pope by the arrival of George Hearst, a California prospector with highly effective 'methods' of increasing his personal fortune and you'd be hard-pressed to find any sentient creature that wouldn't line up alongside Al against "fuckin'" Hearst, as he is frequently referred to.

That convieniently brings us on to the topic of swearing. There's a shitload of profanity (see what I did there...?), indeed it was estimated that there are 43 "fucks" withing the first hour of the show and wikipedia informs me that there are a grand total of 2,980 in the entire three season run, roughly 1.56 "fuck"s a minute, if that isn't value, I don't know what is. Now public opinion has been split on the topic of swearing, some claiming it to be historically inaccurate, others that it's just plain rude. My personal take is that Deadwood achieves the same manner of free-flowing innovative dialogue as The Thick of It. There is a lot of swearing but it is done in such a clever and dare I say charming manner, that it simply washes over you without barbing the eardrums. Many of the best TV series' are self-aware and Deadwood was no different with an amusing exchange between eloquent, melodramatic hotelier E.B. Farnum and geologist Mr. Wolcott, from whom he just acquired (by less than legal means) the princely sum of 10,000 dollars.

EB: Some ancient Italian maxim fits our situation, whose particulars escape me.
Wolcott: Is the gist that I’m shit outta luck?
EB: Did they speak that way then?

A quick glance at the bbfc guidelines will tell you that it 'contains very strong language, some racist, strong violence and sex'. Now, that's every criteria for great modern drama ticked right there. Each of these add to the general sense of lawlessness and peril present in the town. The strong violence particularly befits the setting. In the Third season it reaches new heights in an out and out streetfight between Swearengen's man Dan Dority and Hearst's enforcer Captain Turner. It is as brutal a contest as you will see in any television drama and as a viewer you feel every blow and your heart pounds as you will Dan on against the man mountain Turner. Elswhere Al has his finger cut off by Hearst, numerous characters are shot (or worse) and several succumb to classic 19th century death sentences like Consumption and Brain tumours, all in visceral, emotive realism.

The show explores complex themes of 19th century racism, the destruction of individualism by unscrupulous capitalism (the prospectors being bought out and consolidated into Hearst's business), political corruption, immigration, misogyny, prostitution and perhaps most importantly bringing order to chaos through law. It is technically a period piece, but it shakes up the genre marvellously. It's a far cry from Lonesome Dove, I can tell you.

It should of course have been present on the Guardian's list for sheer unadulterated impact, quality and McShane's five-star turn as Swearengen. Other high profile omissions from the list were HBO's Rome (silly, but ultimately enjoyable), Life on Mars (one of the best British dramas of the decade, possibly any decade) and historical epic I Claudius (as mentioned in my post about the Borgias- you really should read that one by the way). They should all have had a place on the list, but well... life's a bitch, isn't it.



Wednesday, 13 January 2010

The Cult of the Hollywood Remake

Well, it was bound to happen eventually. Every cultural reviewer has a pop at remakes at some point and with good reason, they are exclusively unnecessary and almost exclusively terrible. However this year will see the production and release of numerous gratuitous reofferings including 'Clash of the Titans', 'Nightmare on Elm Street', 'Let Me In' (an almost certainly massively inferior Hollywood-isation of brilliant Swedish vampire movie, Let the Right One In) and perhaps most bizarrely of all 'The A-Team'. So another slew of superfluous remakes lie ahead of us this year and cinema continues it's course towards the end of western civilisation.

Those of you who follow me on Twitter will know that yesterday I spent a happy 117 minutes watching 80s cult classic Highlander on Blu-ray. Ah, crisp visuals, sweeping cinematography, sword fights, soundtrack by Queen and appearance from Sean Connery, what more could you want from a movie? Exactly, so why the fuck is this happening. It was curious enough that a film with the tagline 'there can be only one' spawned 3 sequels and a TV series, let alone a sodding remake of the original. When I read the (thankfully unsourced) reports that Vinnie Jones was to play the part of The Kurgan... well, this happened. I mean isn't he locked in some house somewhere with some other non-entities at the moment? I'm told that he's in there with a melted-face woman, a Baldwin who isn't Alec (or Mike for that matter) and that Swedish man who had his bottom smacked by David Walliams. I don't know why they can't just lock them all in there (releasing them back into the wild via eviction is more of a punishment for us, surely?) or better yet have the walls slowly move in like the trash compactor in Star Wars.

The original Highlander is hardly going to trouble Citizen Kane on the list of greatest ever films, but nonetheless it's a thoroughly enjoying fantasy romp with brilliant scope and direction from Russell Mulcahy, who had previously been famous for his pop promos, including Duran Duran's first 4 albums. Some of the scene cuts are revolutionary (one thinks of the transition from MacLeod's aquarium to a medieval Scottish Loch) and have been copied unrelentingly since. The acting has certainly come under criticism, but it is all part of the charm. Clancy Brown chews up (and frequently destroys) the scenery marvellously as malevolent immortal The Kurgan and Sean Connery, although only appearing for a few scenes, oozes class, wit and screen presence. In fact so good an actor is Connery, that you believe that he (as spanish/egyptian swordsman, Juan Sanchez Villa-Lobos Ramirez) doesn't know what Haggis is... oh Sean, you surely kid. Christopher Lambert is a strong presence as protagonist Connor MacLeod, though the consequences of asking a French actor who had just barely learnt to speak English to do a Scottish accent can be seen in the flashback segments.

The film is much more than hack 'n' slash fantasy nonsense. It deals with the more complex issues of immortality and more than an action hero MacLeod is primarliy a romantic hero, embittered by the loss of his beloved Heather (one of the most emotional scenes of the 80s, backed by the magnificent soaring vocals of Freddie Mercury singing Who Wants To Live Forever). He doesn't know what exactly The Prize is and does not fight for personal gain, instead he fights to keep himself alive (yeah, these Queen references will keep on coming) and stop The Kurgan from attaining power beyond imagination. When McLeod finally does claim The Prize, it acts as poetic redemption for him giving him mortality, family and everything that he had sought so vehemently throughout the film.

It handles a range of different periods expertly. Medieval Scotland is wonderfully recreated, the 18th century duel on Boston Common is a hilarious sequence and the fleeting World War II scene is a nice touch too. There's a lot of talent on show too with perfomances from a young Celia Imrie as Connor's very first love interest and Hugh Quarshie and fellow immortal and Connor's best friend Kastagir. It's also endlessly quotable (my favourite line being from MacLeod, after an SS officer has said that Connor 'would have to shoot him first' to get out. MacLeod gives a wistful smile, utters 'whatever you say, Jack. You're the master race' and guns him down - so good) and has been frequently parodied in pop culture, in everything from a teen-actress themed version on Robot Chicken to Will Ferrell's Ricky Bobby claiming that it won the Academy Award for 'Best Movie Ever' in NASCAR film Talladega Nights.

There are numerous set-pieces- the grim highland clan battle at the beginning of the film, the climactic showdown at Silvercup Studios and the explosion of the windows to reveal the New York skyline after Macleod proclaims 'there can be only one'- all of which would be ruined with modern charmless CGI and for sheer scope it was unparallelled at the time. Mulcahy was a truly unique director with a distinct style and eye for a breathtaking vista. Something that I suspect the director of the Fast and the Furious will not be able to replicate in a remake. Also, Lambert is MacLeod and Connery is Ramirez, there's no point in messing with the winning formual. As the saying goes 'if it ain't broke (and the original Highlander is most certainly in one piece) don't fix it'.

Of course, this blog is unlikely to stop the relentless march of the Hollywood cash registers but it really is sacreligious to remake films like this. That said, if remaking films stops them from producing tat like Bride Wars, there may be something to be said for it, however it's probably not long to go until all creativity and talent is sucked out of the industry and we're awash in a sea of terrible sequels and remakes (Citizen Kane II: Revenge of the Sledge anyone? How about Ben Hur II: This Time It's Personal, Spartacus II: I'm Not Spartacus, The Good, The Bad, The Ugly and Seth Rogen?). I'm highly unlikely to watch the Highlander remake unless I'm subjected to the Ludovico technique a la Alex in A Clockwork Orange, so this may seem unnecessary, but for God's sake Hollywood, let's try and maintain at least some dignity.

Tuesday, 12 January 2010

The Borgias

Right, as promised here's a speculative blog about Showtime's new series The Borgias. It could well be all over the place (the blog, not the show... well possibly the show) because I have Manflu and am currently off my tits on Sudafed and Strepsils. I know that it doesn't come out until 2011 and even then us Brits will have to wait even longer for it, but I want to comment on a few things that the TV execs may or may not have taken into account. I digress.

Showtime look set to cash in on the success endured by its historical romp The Tudors, by bringing us a similar tale of a Renaissance family with a good deal of murder, simony, incest and corruption up their immaculately tailored sleeves, The Borgias. For the uninitiated the Borgias (an italian corruption of Borja) were Valencian nobility who made their name in the eminent circles of Renaissance Italy. Now arguably the most famous patriarch of the family was Rodrigo Borgia (to be played by Jeremy Irons), the man who would become (by less than papal means) Pope Alexander VI. Now, 'how did a someone from this family become Pope?' I hear you say. Well be quiet, I'm getting there, who asked you anyway? Rodrigo was able to grasp the most influential role on the planet by good old fashioned simony and corruption. Seriously, this guy makes Berlusconi seem like... Mother Theresa (I was going to say the Pope but in this context, it's perhaps not the best analogy). But surely as Pope he must have cleaned up his act right? Wrong. Alexander VI went on to profit enormously from foreign invasion of and general unrest in Italy. Indeed his son Cesare formed an alliance with the French king and went on to capture Milano from the reigning Sforza family during his papacy. Alexander VI also freely paraded his much younger mistress Giulia around for all to see. He used his sexually corrupt daughter, Lucrezia to forge several alliances - sexual politics and corruption were two very strong reasons why the Papacy was little more than a joke during this period. On the plus side Rodrigo had a fairly benign attitude towards Jews, so much so that he was accused of being a marrano. He died suddenly in 1503 (speculated to be the corollary of him and Cesare drinking a bottle of their own poisoned wine) after convulsive fever and intenstinal bleeding, he died - his last words supposedly 'wait a minute'. So, an all round stand-up guy (and you thought that being a member of the Hitler Youth made you a dodgy Pope...). Machiavelli called him 'a successful politician', yeah that Machiavelli. Talk about damning with faint praise.

So, I know what you're thinking, a lot of scope for a rip-roaring TV series, well you'd be wrong. In the 1980s the BBC had a crack at the tale in their version of the Borgias, hoping to recapture the audience that had tuned in en masse to I Claudius. Clearly this was a historical melodrama too far and was an abject failure with critics and viewers alike. It was a rare failure in producer Mark Shivas' glittering career and perhaps the frequent, graphic violence and nudity and Adolfo (yes, the one out of off of Thunderball) Celi's thick accent contribtued to the derision. So, interesting that an American cable network would decide to have a bash at it 30-odd years later, despite the presence of Oscar winner Jeremy Irons and director Neil Jordan (The Crying Game).

Interestingly French channel Canal Plus appears to have commissioned a startlingly similar series, penned by Tom Fontana (Oz) for release at the same time. And it's not just TV that's had a pop- visionary, acid-trip director Alejandro Jodorowski attempted to tell the tale in two graphic novels and French literary giant Victor Hugo wrote a play about Lucrezia Borgia.

The timing of these two series is odd however given the recent release of Assassin's Creed II (this bit will spoil the plot for you, so don't read unless you've already completed or never intend to complete the game). In ACII you play Ezio Auditore da Firenze, a young Florentine noble who's father and brothers are wrongly accused of treason and hanged by conspirators and guess what? The head conspirator is none other than rotund, dastardly Spaniard, Rodrigo Borgia. Yeah, that's right, by the end of the story, your main antagonist is the Pope. There's several other plots happening alongside - the continuation of the Templars vs. Assassins war from the first game, the travails of modern day hero Desmond Miles (featuring an unexpected but perfectly pitched appearance by British comedian/writer Danny Wallace as Assassin techie Shaun), a marvellous feature known as The Truth where you solve complex historical puzzles to reveal a few fleeting seconds of revelatory film (reminiscent of 'the footage' in American Cyberpunk-god William Gibson's Pattern Recognition), a blossoming friendship with a young Leonardo da Vinci and a Tuscan villa to restore, as well as being able to explore the fully realised Renaissance cities of Firenze and Venezia - but the main story concludes with a showpiece- stealthing your way through St Peter's Basilica and performing an aerial assassination on the Pope, mid-Latin mass in the Sistene Chapel - sensational. But you can't keep Borgia down (not in 1499 anyhow) and he uses his papal staff (one of two Pieces of Eden, that along with the Apple from the first game, open a vault beneath the chapel) to vaporize the congregation in the hope of obliterating young Ezio with them, but it doesn't quite come off for the chunky pater and another showpiece ensues, a fistfight with the Pope underneath the chapel. I won't quite ruin it entirely, it is a marvellous game, play it for yourself, the ending is both ludicrous and brilliant at the same time. However it strikes me that this is perhaps a coup on the part of the TV companies, who have just won themselves an audience of gamers for their new historical series.

So another case of canny publicity garnering by TV execs? 2 in 2 days, surely not? Well, who knows? With the lavish production values, neither series will air until next year at the earliest and by then details of ACIII will be being drip-fed to an expectant gaming community and those more casual among us will have forgotten the treachery, sex, murder and corruption of His Holiness Pope Alexander VI aka Rodrigo Borgia.

Monday, 11 January 2010

Oliver Stone's History Sideshow

This morning I picked up my copy of the Guardian to see Oliver Stone grinning back from the front page. Intrigued by the headline, I delved into the article and learnt of a new 10 hour miniseries from Stone about 20th century history. Now, Stone is used to his fair share of controversy, but for many this appears to have taken the historical biscuit, dropped it and then trampled on it repeatedly, so I figured it would be a shame if I didn't wade into the debate.

What one must do in situations such as these is make the distinction between justifying Hitler (bad) and analysing him in context with a view to the human condition (historically relevant). Seriously, this is GCSE stuff. After two years of reading countless books by Richard Overy, Ian Kershaw and Klaus P Fischer, it seems easy enough to be able to do the latter without a hint of the former. Stone says that he will analyse Hitler as 'the product of a series of actions', which isn't far from the truth, however he qualifies this by saying 'we can't judge people as only "bad" and "good"' and that Hitler 'has been used as a scapegoat'. Now, when it comes to the Nazis and scapegoating, Hitler isn't the man to look to. I'm fairly certain that there are a lot of Jewish families that would wish to take issue with Mr. Stone's comments here. The idea of Hitler and the Nazis coming about because of the impact of the Great War, the Treaty of Versailles, the economic collapse and 'last days of Rome' effect of the Weimar Republic is basic stuff, people, the kind of things I learnt as a 14 year old. By suggesting this, Stone isn't being revolutionary in the slightest. From the sounds of things, this Stone documentary series isn't going to be a patch on the Laurence Rees and Ian Kershaw penned ones that we've had the pleasure of viewing.

One area in which he is approaching sense is by saying that Hitler has been used cheaply throughout history. This is true, Hitler has become some manner of catch-all reference, clutched at by angry people in an argument. Even on this very blog, someone invoked Godwin's Law within two comments (a new record). But the truth of the matter is that there is an extremely good reason for this, Hitler was one man with dangerous right-wing views who was able to harness latent bitterness and hatred and play all manner of rival bureaucracies off against each other, utilising some manner of organised chaos to push forward his despicable individual goals. Naturally there were a handful of other pathological criminals who handed him power along the way, but they don't make his actions any more justifiable, instead it simply serves to make them every bit as contemptible as the man himself. There can be little doubt that he was a terrible man, whether this was as a result of 'a series of actions' as Stone claims is basically irrelevant. We can examine these 'actions' and the elements of the psyche which contributed to him becoming the dangerous megalomaniac that he was, but they still have the same end result. The atrocities that he performed were abstract evil, no bones about it.

Stone justifies his point by claiming- 'I've been able to walk in Stalin's shoes and Hitler's shoes, to understand their point of view. You cannot approach history unless you have empathy for the person you may hate.' Now, I took the liberty of strolling a mile or two in Hitler's jackboots and it left a bitter taste in the mouth, I can tell you. The trick is not to empathise with dictators, but to objectively analyse the factors contributing to their actions, something done brilliantly by Kershaw (seriously, read his output, you'll see what I'm getting at). There's a world of difference between empathy/justification and rationalisation and if Stone can stick to the latter of these two, he might just be able to steer himself out of trouble and produce a half-decent history series with something to say (still probably won't trouble World at War and its oil of Olivier for the title of greatest historical series though).

This brings us on to the defense of Stalin by Stone. The claim that he 'fought the German war machine more than any person' is not really in doubt. It's generally accepted that Stalin shook up the Red Army into some semblance of efficiency (though it's lack in the early years of war was his fault anyway) and created a force capable of not only resisting but tearing the heart out of the Wehrmacht. Now, the Russians did a Hell of a lot for the Allies in the war, 3/4 Wehrmacht soldiers were killed on the Eastern Front and the Red Army's losses numbered in the tens of millions, incomparable to the losses endured by the British, Commonwealth and US troops. So again, as far as Stone's claims go, nothing to see here. It's post-war that Stalin's rep begins to suffer with the fall of the iron curtain- details surface about the purges, recent documentaries have shed light on mass murder of Polish generals. Of course the man had to deal with Communism being less popular than Fascism and hampering his political influence in Europe pre-war, it's probably unsurprising that he was tipped over the edge... Here's the nub of the argument: What's more important the end or the means to that end? One for all you philosophers out there (but no Kantian deontological ethics please, I'm strictly utilitarian).

The problem here is that Stone has made a living out of promoting his work through controversy. By portraying Bush in the classic Culshaw/Bremner style in 2008's 'W', he was able to incense every right-wing broadcaster to devote time to the unwitting promotion of the film and lead every sane, intelligent being in the world to think 'finally, a portrayal of the man, matching my opinions of him, from an award-winning American'. Sadly in order to promote this series, he's had to claim that Hitler wasn't really bad, which has done him no favours whatsoever. No doubt it is simply a ploy and the actual series itself will have had the steadying hand of academia to steer it away from being too edgy.

The path of history is fraught with contradiction and unmentionable issues, which creates an atmosphere in which crafting a cogent argument is so impossibly difficult that I marvel that anyone is able to. Philosophy is even more of a bloody minefield and I sense numerous arguments about moral relativity and Socialist vs Nazi vs Communist vs McCarthy nonsense to come. I remember a similar outcry at the release of Der Untergang (Downfall) claiming that humanising Hitler would somehow poison our minds, fooling us into forgetting that he was a monster but you know what, he was human, no matter how little we like to think it. The film managed to portray Hitler as human, while reminding us that there is no justification for what he did and that's the balance required in every analysis of the dictator. It was a great film and at no point did you empathise with Hitler (despite a marvellous performance by Swiss screen-legend Bruno Ganz), it is surely the perfect example for the treatment of such a character, as explained by the marvellous Kershaw in this article from the same newspaper.

So, what have we learned? Well you can get some extra publicity by raising the hackles of Glenn Beck, Rush Limbaugh and the other Conservative mentalists and you can create a hell of a stir in the 24 hour media (there are well over 300 comments on the article). To be honest, we are all of us clueless until the series actually comes out and then we can judge it for what it is. Likely another all too basic history series with delusions of grandeur that thinks it's far more revelatory and indeed revolutionary than it actually is.

Phew, tomorrow should bring a preview of a new miniseries about controversial Renaissance family, the Borgias (no not the BBC one from the 80s, that was terrible). I know it's a year in advance but it tickled me that it was in the pipeline. Until then, fellow bloggers, journos and angry people, adieu.

Sunday, 10 January 2010

Music 2009 - Exception 2

Ok, so my memory isn't as good as it should be.

When The Darkness exploded in a shower of drugs, drink and sitar solos in 2006, few would have expected frontman Justin Hawkins to burst back onto the scene, louder than ever a mere 2 years later. Singles surfaced in 2008 and in 2009 the comeback was complete with 'Red Light Fever', the debut effort from Hot Leg featuring the not inconsiderable rock talents of singer/songwriter/guitarist Hawkins, well-known circuit lead guitarist Pete 'Liquid Guitar Hands' Rinaldi and the impressive rhythm section of bassist Samuel SJ Stokes and renowned jazz and session drummer Darby Todd. It was nothing short of a supergroup and since hearing Trojan Guitar (the first single) way back in 2008 I had high hopes for legging-clad, big hair Man Rock. These hopes proved to be well founded when I've Met Jesus, released in December 2008 claimed the coveted title of Christmas number 1 in the Man Rock charts. So Red Light Fever had much to live up to. Could it handle the shirtless, hairsprayed pressure?

The album opens at full pelt with Chickens. Todd thrashes the drum opening and the distorted guitar slams straight in, before moving to a choppier rhythm in the verses. Vocally fans of The Darkness will know what to expect from Hawkins and here his patented 'truth larynx' ascends to dizzying new heights - anyone whose ever listened to the output of Dutch prog rock band Focus will find something of the Thijs van Leer shriek in this one. As one would expect the solos are still here and exquisite harmonies are the order of the day, albeit all too briefly. The end features a synth breakdown, before we get to hear some classic Rinaldi shredding, which is a key feature of the album.

You Can't Hurt Me Any More opens with big powerchords and the steady rhythm that were present on so many Darkness tunes, but that isn't a bad thing. The foot-tapping drums and guitar are here to stay and I missed them during those 2 years in the wilderness. The lyrics are classic Hawkins - touches of dark humour and a memorable chorus. We're treated to another harmony solo and some Hawkins legato before a final chorus and guitar ending.

Ashamed is a magnificent, catchy character assassination of reality TV, featuring the guest vocals of Hawkins' Eurovision partner, Beverlei Brown, who entwines her soaring vocals with Hawkins', who manages to abstain from the blistering falsetto for much of the song. Brown's soulful second verse breakdown adds a layer of funk to the track, while the ascending guitar pre-chorus drives the song onwards towards the chorus, which you will be singing to yourself for many days to come.

I've Met Jesus, the triumphant Man Rock Christmas number 1, is another clever piece of writing by Hawkins with a witty pay-off. Musically it's a mix of classic rock powerchords and chicken-picking with a frantic solo by Rinaldi in which he showcases his impeccable technique and ability to blend tasteful melody with super-quick tapping and shred skills.

Trojan Guitar, the single which first piqued my interest all those years ago now, is a remarkable blend of medieval balladry, fantasy and rock. Lyrically it is very much fantasy nonsense, but Hawkins has turned this into an artisan skill of late. It features a genius pre-chorus harmony riff and rousing chorus, before a solo trade-off between Hawkins and Rinaldi , which weaves between harmony and individual showmanship. Todd then hammers the drums, crashing towards an upbeat bridge, only for the levels to drop for an emotional, fingerpicked folk ballad to arrive, before that riff kicks in again like a trebuchet hurling rocks at a wall of sound. There's still plenty of time for another, more restrained solo before we end with a final blast of the riff. Weighing in at a hefty 5.25 it's the epic song of the album, but it certainly has enough variety to hold the listener's interest.

Cocktails is another classic Hawkins track lyrically. Though the man himself may be more likely to plump for a cup of green tea and a workout in the gym these days, the track is about the decadence of the cocktail (as well as being a handy excuse to shout 'cock' in the chorus). It opens with a blast of synthesisers in E, reminiscent of the experimentation on The Darkness' final album before shifting to a heavy chorus in F#. La Roux and Little Boots can take notice of this - this is 80s revival. Rinaldi again gets to exercise his considerable chops during the solos and the whole tihing is neatly tied up in under 4 minutes. As one might guess, this was a single from the album.

Gay in the 80s is somewhat of a curio and is synthesiser-led for much of the track. As for content, I needn't explain much here, the title pretty much sums it up. It's another track with a smattering of humour and campness that Hawkins does so well and there's another blistering solo. Again: see 80s revival...

Prima Donna is an excellent track with a nifty hammer on and pull off opening riff and witty lyrics (perhaps not unconnected to Hawkins experiences in a certain other band already alluded to elsewhere). It has a sweet acoustic bridge towards the end which divides the stinging guitar solos and is another solid album track.

Whichever Way You Wanna Give It is another up-tempo track with a funky chorus riff and driving percussion. Todd is just one of those drummers that has you thrashing at your desk with you bare hands, trying to keep up with the cymbal crashes. It has a wonderful sense of fun about it and is another one that will inexplicably pop into your head and stay there, whether you like it or not.

Kissing in the Wind is for my money the highlight of the album. It begins with a melancholy piano introduction before Todd's drums kick in. The verse features Stokes' bassline exposed for much of the time and gives a rare opportunity to hear the rhythm section working perfectly together, without being drowned out by heavy distortion. The build-up to the chorus is full of Queen-like multi-tracked vocals and preposterous (in the best way possible) vaudevillian backings and the chorus itself is classic ballad fayre, familiar to anyone who heard Love Is Only A Feeling, Seemed Like a Good Idea at the Time and the other Darkness ballads. On the second verse there's a cheeky mandolin run and it occurs to me that this was the one track where creativity was entirely uninhibited and 'anything goes'. This is confirmed by the bridge which features a falsetto chorus and reintroduction of the piano opening before breaking into a... harpsichord solo. I would venture that this is the only contemporary rock record released last year to feature a harpsichord solo and the world of music is poorer for that fact. It's astounding, the blend of baroque and Man Rock (Barock, if you will) knocked me off my feet and is only fleeting before the guitar solos kicks in, but for a few beautiful seconds I was gifted a view of a world in which Rameau and Thin Lizzy existed in perfect harmony. More please.

Red Light Fever only clocks in at a little over 35 minutes, but it doesn't let up once for the entire duration. It's pounding, melodic Man Rock of the highest quality. Even the b-sides to the singles were tremendous. Cupboard Love - a bittersweet tale of relationship featuring the most astonishing piece of double-tapping you will ever hear in your life from Liquid Guitar Hands himself - and Automatic - yep, that's right, a cover of the Pointer Sisters song, but you owe it to yourself to hear this version - being the highlights.

Sadly all seems to have gone quiet on the Leg front with Hawkins spending much of last autumn and winter in America, laying down tracks for artists including Meatloaf and Adam Lambert. But put on your leggings and your headband and hope that Hot Leg return triumphmant later this year for a new release.

Saturday, 9 January 2010

Music of 2009 - Exception 1

Two brief caveats about my dismissal of music in 2009. The first will be in this post, the second to follow shortly.

I knew I'd forgotten something in my review of the year. Of course, the excellent Duckworth Lewis Method came out last year - a concept album so bizarrely brilliant that it redefined the genre of cricket-rock forever. It is without doubt one of my albums of the year.

Spearheaded by Neil Hannon of the Divine Comedy and Thomas Walsh, The Duckworth Lewis Method released their eponymous cricket-based concept album before the summer's Ashes series. Now I imagine that the words 'cricket' and 'concept album' in the same sentence probably warded off as many listeners as it won, however when I first read about the idea and the personnel involved, I knew that this would be something special.

The album opens by crafting a soundscape evocative of Sunday afternoons in summer, with birdsong and a sung conversation between the titular Duckworth and Lewis over The Coin Toss.

Following this introduction comes The Age of Revolution, the first true slice of the album's style, which opens with a classic swing hook, followed by a syncopated tap of the drumsticks, before kicking into a synth-led verse and strong 4/4 drum rhythm. One can practically smell the well-starched cords and frock coats. Walsh sings the main body of the song detailing the transformation of the game with a hefty degree of rock intensity and the occasional bridges (or rather witty piano-accompanied asides) from Hannon. It's the history of cricket, but with guitar solos and classic musical wit from Neil Hannon.

The next track, Gentlemen And Players, is a mix of pop sensibilities and understated humour, that fans of The Divine Comedy may take for granted from Hannon, though I can assure you, reader, such talent should not be undervalued in the sea of trashy pop soundalikes that flood the singles charts every week.

The Sweet Spot has a heavy synth bass opening and sounds closer to a Muse track than anything to do with cricket, but soon gets into the groove. This is a display the incredible nous of Hannon and Walsh in which each song can be interpreted in different ways - a song about cricket technique or about sex. It's not double-entendre per se, but it's as near as dammit - like a 21st century Flanders and Swann (though perhaps not as close as Armstrong and Miller's Brabbins and Fyfe).

Jiggery Pokery is an absolute triumph and hands down my favourite track on the album. It owes a lot to the traditions of music hall, with its stately opening and following oom-pah verses. There are few modern day eureka moments, however when Neil Hannon decided to write a song from the perspective of Mike Gatting facing that ball, it was surely an instance to rival Archimedes in the bath. It's a funny as any stand-up's take on the delivery and musically it's well thought through with tiny inflections reflecting the lyrical content. It's a testament to the charm of the project that the 'Baboon chorus' feature big name comedy talent, such as Phil Jupitus and Alexander Armstrong. Now this is a song for true cricket-lovers and perhaps doesn't have the mass appeal of some of the album tracks, but remains a tremendous laugh out loud funny foot-stomper.

Mason On The Boundary has a gentle, mellow, summery feel to it and reflects upon the issues of colonial attitudes and how it shaped cricket, though it's easy for this to pass over your head, as you're whirled away by the soft acoustic rhythms of Walsh and the measured piano of Hannon. It also features a middle monologue, performed masterfully by the marvellous Matt Berry (for a classic version, see this live performance, featuring the irrepressible Mr. Berry)

Like The Coin Toss, Rain Stops Play, is one of the short musical interludes that strings together the two sides of the album and evokes the emotions of this familiar phrase fully. This is the cement of the concept album, keeping it flowing along very nicely.

Meeting Mr. Miandad is one of the singles from the album and is another song that non-cricket lovers will easily be able to appreciate. Complete with another strong sense of rhythm driving this tale of the search for the titular Pakistani batsman, who it would seem has a penchant for cricket-rock too.

The Nightwatchman is another pop classic penned by Hannon, which, as one might expect, is the tale of a Nightwatchman (uninitiated, see here), backed by touching string melodies and a stirring, evocative chorus. Again Hannon proves his remarkable talent for creating complex musical arrangements that retain an easy, effortless feeling to the ears. The string break in the middle injects drama and the piano head develops into a jazz scale solo towards the end. It is as perfect a piece of pop songwriting as I heard last year and it is one that can be appreciated on a number of levels by cricket fans, as well as those who simply have a good ear for a tune.

Flatten The Hay is a heady tale of summer sung in Walsh's unique style and featuring the piano motifs which have a good deal of coherence and consistency throughout the album. Again it builds to a stirring pre-chorus crescendo, before breaking into a baroque solo and DLM showcase their uncanny ability to evoke images of cricket with music alone, let alone the brilliantly crafted lyrics.

Test Match Special features another pounding rhythm followed by the bending legato harmony of a double-tracked guitar. I'll make no bones about it, these lyrics are unequivocally about cricket, whichever you look at it. If you don't like cricket, lyrically there's not much here for you, but seeing as I don't like cricket, I love it, this is about as good as it gets. It's a musical soundscape about test cricket and it features everything from a witty musical 'drinks break' featuring a modulated synth rhythm, to comments about a streaker and the zeppeling provided the birds-eye view pictures of the test. Cracking.

The End Of The Over is, as one might imagine, the final track on the album and features a cheeky bar turnaround to reflect the balls of the over and that piano motif again (see, it's a real concept album) before building to a polychoral finish, which breaks down into the flute rhythm found at the start of The Coin Toss, full circle on our cricket-based musical journey.

It is an astonishingly good album. The concept is as strong as you could hope for and the genius of Hannon and Walsh is that here they have crafted a musical project of not only consistently good songs, but witty asides about the modern game and a number of truly brilliant musical turns. It's a pleasure to listen to and every track can be enjoyed on the base level of musical appreciation, with cricket fans finding a little extra in each. There are stand-out tracks and ones which have clearly been written with one eye on commerical appeal, but this never gets in the way of the beauty of the concept album as a whole. I would strongly advise spending an afternoon listening all the way through this masterpiece. Come on, it'll make you feel warm and summery, despite all the snow.