Kenneth Wrong...

Right, haven't done one of these for a while but as no-one seems prepared to pay me for it I might as well dust off the old talons of vitriol and aim them at a new target.

Twitter has been abuzz for the last couple of days with an outpouring of bemusement and outrage aimed at one person in particular following a series of controversial statements. I know what you're thinking, 'who is this idling buffoon making the biggest PR cock-up since the public failing of David Cameron's perception filter led to the reveal of a grinning Lady Thatcher brandishing a large pair of shears'? (Ok, so that hasn't exactly happened per se... YET). Anyway, the figure in question is a certain Kenneth Tong. Nope? Me neither. Supposedly he took part in the formerly perennial stifling shitsauna of mediocrity that was Big Brother and now he's starring in 'the internet' where he's playing the part of the woefully misguided and remorseless villain.

Ordinarily it's very difficult to be angry with someone called Kenneth - I'm thinking Branagh, Barlow or that dildo out of off of Peep Show - however many, many people have been willing to make an exception in the case of Mr. Tong.

Over the last few days Tong has rebranded himself as some manner of body fascist, firing out tweets such as

'Only the thin truly win. My Size Zero Pill will change lives, it's like the modern day Schindler's List. Will I be your salvation?'
'Not attempting to be controversial, simply wealthy enough to be honest in saying you're fat and credible enough to promote managed anorexia.'
'There is no excuse for a Girl not to be a Size Zero. It is perfection. Skinny is so sexy, show's self control and is the epitome of beauty'.

So, it seems that he's pushing some kind of product with a staggering lack of self-awareness. Clearly Mr. Tong, who must instantly recognisable to, oh, 3 or 4 dozen people is above our mere human boundaries of taste and decency.

Well, either that or it's a joke. I doubt even someone who's appeared on Big Brother would tweet something along the lines of:

'I quite enjoy these comparisons to Hitler, have read a few Tweets about this, you lot are too kind, I'd argue this is quite a complement.'

I'd quite like to know which facet of history's greatest villain's personality or atrocities there committed he finds to be a complement (sic). The annexation of the Sudetenland perhaps or the way in which that parting just clung to his head so wonderfully... While he assures us his verification is in the post (or something), I don't really see why Twitter would verify someone who prompted equally as many 'who is Kenneth Tong's' as 'this man is a sexist vagrant's.

Joke or not, however, the point stands that any destructive, potentially fatal 'advice' constitutes an abuse of perceived power and thousands were quite rightly astounded and enraged. Cue everyone calling him a vapid, shallow jeb-end. Which is about accurate BUT here's the catch, Tong or not, he's just seeking attention. He wants you to hate him and to call him a vapid, shallow jeb-end (in those exact terms). He wants your disgust and to be vilified as a twattish monster. Like serial killers... or Richard Littlejohn.

By the way, I am fully away of the irony of writing an angry piece about why we shouldn't give attention to this person, which is why I'm advocating a mass tweet of (and bear in mind that they never catch on when started by me... as illustrated by an early effort at the Spartacus tweet that swept Twitter... fully two days after I'd attempted to get it off the ground when someone with influence tweeted it) 'Who is this arsehole and why should we give any credence to his frankly ludicrous opinions?!' perhaps with some kind of hashtag to indicate cohesion and not just a series of perhaps 10 of my friendship circle venting frustration at some unknown figure from their own real lives. #bollockstokenneth perhaps, simply because it makes me giggle from the juxtaposition of 'Kenneth' and 'bollocks'. Alternatively you could just bombard him with @replies calling him 'a vapid, shallow jeb-end', but as we've established, this would probably undermine the cause...

Now, just as we're verging on the libellous, it's probably a good time to point out that everyone is entitled to an opinion... I'm just not entirely sure why I've had to read his and why he couldn't keep his archaic, abhorrent misogyny to the confines of his presumably equally crushingly regressive friends and immediate family.

On a semi-serious note, the fact is, if you're happy in yourself who is ANYONE to tell you different, least of all Kenneth Tong, a non-entity evidently so unhappy that he's been forced to broadcast his baffling and offensive inflammatory statements in the hope that people might remember who he is.