Unlucky For Some...

Watching daytime TV can throw up a number of questions: "Where did it all go wrong?", "Why didn't I do better in life when I had the chance?", "How can I have eaten all the Ben & Jerry's this quickly?", "How has Dick van Dyke retained his medical licence? He's too preoccupied with solving crime that he can't possibly dedicate enough time and thought to the medical care of his patients." and "Why the fuck do people still live in Cabot Cove or Midsomer? The entire population of those two places has been culled about three times over."

This isn't a dig at people who watch it, you understand - I am one of those people asking all these questions, especially the last two. Whether it's daytime BBC soap Doctors - which veers from snappy, witty dialogue and homages to Hitchcock to the downright preposterous and melodramatic - or Channel 4's Coach Trip- in which a group of appalling people are herded onto a coach with a Union Jack emblazoned on it, just so the European types know exactly where to direct their complaints - I've seen 'em. Coach Trip is a hidden gem of a show really. Imagine a Shearings (other coach companies are available) populated with the most infuriating and morally vacuous people in the country travelling around the world, while arguing and voting each other off and you're some way to grasping the pitch. Comedy writer David Quantick provides a wry commentary, but the real star of the show is tour guide Brendan. He breaks up fights between the tourists, he does accents while reading out the location to which they are heading and he has a wonderful camp, world-weariness about him. He is, needless to say, wasted on the Coach Trippers.

Indeed, I can't help but feel that a major draw of programmes like Coach Trip and Come Dine With Me is enjoying the misfortune of other people. There is a certain catharsis in witnessing the mishaps, derisible remarks and idiocy of other people and there's a decent argument that it is this Schadenfreude which makes shows like that so successful. Similarly if one looks at quiz shows such as the BBC's Alexander Armstrong-fronted, reverse Family Fortunes quiz 'Pointless'. As good as one feels when they score a pointless (an correct answer not given by any of the 100 people asked before the show), we would settle for simply being better than the contestants. We revel in their stupid mistakes and it makes us feel more intelligent. Whether it's worth sacrificing one's integrity on a gameshow for the greater good of public enjoyment remains to be seen.

The internet too has made a fortune out of Schadenfreude, so many websites simply showcasing the idiocy of other people receive millions of hits. Forgive me for reliving yesterday's experiences, but I wonder what happens when (and it must happen from time to time) two wankers come face to face (maybe that's not the right phrase...) on Chatroulette. Instead of assuming that they instantly 'next', I fancy that there is a moment where both freeze, wracked with existential doubt, staring impotently at the abyss (i.e. the other internet masturbating nuisance) and it stares back into them. Instantly faced with an equally immoral, disgraceful deviant they rethink their lives entirely, re-evaluating the decisions and failures that led them to grimly bash one out over a shocked stranger on a webcam. They close Chatroulette, pull their trousers on and head out to make the world a better place. This is highly unlikely, but I can't help but feel that the world would be a better place if it was true.


TYSIC Update

Well, we're a week into the Ten Year Self Improvement Challenge and I'm as cynical as ever, however I do have ten years in which to remedy this, so I'm not too worried yet. As for the writing goals, I have a very raw first draft of my sitcom pilot, though it could well take ten years for me to produce a rewrite that I'm happy with. I managed to pile through the fog of writer's block and finish a chapter last night (well... at 1.30 this morning...), however so much of the novel remains and it only gets tougher from here. I've also picked up a side-project writing sketches for a play, so that one's a bonus. Provisional plans to go to Ireland are in place, but yet to be acted upon - Canada and the French Riviera remain pipedreams for the present. I'm no closer to voicing a video game character (not entirely sure how to go about getting into it) or writing a song that I'm happy with - what with all the writing projects, music has been put somewhat on the backburner. Still, there's another 9 years and 51 weeks to go. Wish me luck...